People I Don’t Want To Meet
Here’s some people I don’t want to meet.
1. An enthusiastic undertaker
2. A swimming instructor with two penises
3. Twins who are married to each other
4. A taxi driver with bite marks on his cheeks
5. A sad weatherman
6. A party of Japanese tourists capable of killing
7. A telesales caller who just keeps repeating “Help me…”
8. A man wearing track pants that smell of cheese
9. An armed robber with a catchphrase
10. A blind TV chef
11. A bubbly anorexic
12. A vegan survival camp instructor
13. A sweaty flight attendant
14. An elderly man with a wire sticking out of his skull
15. Women who buy perfume because they liked the TV ad
16. A vegan Eskimo
17. A serial killer with a heart of gold
18. A mailman wearing make-up
19. An airline pilot with a lucky mascot
20. A grotesquely obese woman licking a pickle
Who don’t you want to meet?
A grotesquely obese woman licking a pickle? What about a weight-challenged woman licking a cucumber while holding up a sign saying “Yeah baby…you. Me. A locked room. No lubricant”? Would that be acceptable…coz thats WAY better than the pickle woman.
Sy’s last blog post..Ouiji Board Turning, Sy Possibly Dead
You know, we have a pessimistic weatherman here in Pittsburgh. He somehow manages to take any set of 3-5 days and finds the worst in them to share.
I understand he does some theater– and I think he milks the drama of his job.
I also imagine the locals insult him on the street for being Mr. Gray Skies. 🙂
Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..How to Prepare Zombie Chicken
Awesome list!! It’s very similar to mine, strangely enough.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..Testing Slut’s Devotion To Loit
Who don’t I want to meet? Well, since you asked…
A clown with ridiculously large red shoes gazing into the sky sadly, watching his balloons float away.
An Olympic swimmer shaving his body in a public bathroom sink.
A businessman who pulls a live squid out of his pocket to use as a cell phone.
An orchestra conductor stabbing people in the eyes with his baton.
An angry mob with placards depicting my image with a circle and slash drawn through it.
nanodance’s last blog post..More Meds
A Muppet without a string in sight.
A Kindergarten teacher wearing a Batman mask.
Zombie Colonel Sanders.
Shawn’s last blog post..Ouija: Let The Right One In
I would not like to meet Madonna’s gynecologist. The thought of shaking his hand makes me all squirmy.
Douglas’s last blog post..Top 5 Surprising Actions Taken By Judges
Re #14: So you’re saying I should remove the wire?
Joel Klebanoff’s last blog post..Where Credit is Due
my mother in law unless its to get close enough to drive a wodden stake through her evil heart
(joke: i actually like her, but it’s literary license, what can you do)
rld’s last blog post..Bah Humbug
I definately don’t want to meet #17!
A clown whose feet actually fit in those shoes.
My illegitimate child.
George W. Bush.
A little person who is painted blue and thinks they’re a smurf.
Someone who collects used toupees.
chowner’s last blog post..The fortune cookie factory
Who do I not want to meet?
1. Anyone intent on saving my soul
2. Anyone out to protect me from myself
3. Anyone who sells things for a living, even when not confined to a locale (i.e. insurance salesman as opposed to an appliance retailer).
I’m sure there are more, but those immediately came to mind.
Stephanie’s last blog post..Celebrate Earth Day!
This list is soooooo freakin’ funny!!!
MadMadMargo’s last blog post..Polterbytes, Kids, Love & Marriage
pretty much any vegan
sam’s last blog post..Rambo Stat Sheet
No. 20 made me throw up a little…
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Boxlot Post No. 4
I am going to start something like this.
Palabuzz’s last blog post..Marian Rivera as the new Darna
I thought my sweat suit smelled pretty good. I happen to like cheese.
RedRaider’s last blog post..Volunteering Should Be Optional
I think a blind TV chef would be very entertaining, he could’nt be any worse in the kitchen than me!
Number 14 is going to be in my next nightmare.
diesel’s last blog post..Still not back…
Sy: Do you think about that fat lady with the cucumber often?
Jenn: On the BBC there was a very cheerful weatherman. He’d enthusiastically chatter about what a lovely day it would be to take your granny for a donkey ride at the beach, or something like that. He was either delusional or high, I’m not sure which.
Mary: Have you been avoiding porky pickle-eaters and kamikaze tourists as well? Quite right too.
Nanodance: I got stabbed in the eye by a conductor once. True story.
Shawn: I’ve been hearing a lot about Zombie chicken recently – so that’s where it comes from!
Douglas: I wonder how many gynecologists Madonna gets through per annum?
Joel: I wouldn’t remove the wire. It may do something useful. Can you pick up satellite TV with it?
RLD: Yes I know you’re only kidding! (If you want to buy some quality stakes, e-mail me.)
Meg: At least he’ll be thinking kind thoughts as he stabs you to bits!
Chowner: Just suppose your illegitimate child was a blue clown with a toupee fixation called George?
Stephanie: So you are trying to avoid Jesus and Billy Mays?
Mad: Putting the ‘freak’ into ‘freaking hilarious’?
Sam: I met a vegan once. Pleasant sort, but prone to fainting.
John: Only a little?
Palabuzz: Please let me know when you do… we shall swap notes and perhaps hide.
Red: ‘Sweat’ and ‘cheese’ are two words that should never be used together.
Jeff: Or maybe a mute Jamie Oliver? Ahhhh.
Diesel: Let us know what happens when you pull on that wire! I better warn Joel first.
The one person I don’t want to meet is a Mormon missionary who won’t take no for an answer.
No. 3 is awful.
Mhar’s Display’s last blog post..Worried About Me