Tag: weird

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Diet Water

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Diet water! No, really!

We all know how hard it is to diet – trying to lose those hanging rolls of repulsive flab can seem like an impossible feat! Fortunately those svelte Japanese boffins have invented an incredible new weight loss weapon – Diet Water! It’s fat-tastic!

According to our calculations, regular water contains zero calories, so this magical mineral water must contain minus 50 calories, or something like that! Drink Diet Water and you are actually LOSING weight! Or something like that!*

* Enjoy all those forbidden foods including burgers, pepperoni and lard sandwiches – Diet Water will wash those fatty calories right out your system and replace them with negative calories, somehow! Save up your negative calories as credits towards your next uncontrolled McBinge session!

* Need to squeeze yourself into that wedding dress or manly beach thong? Simply consume nothing but Diet Water for just ONE WEEK and you could flush away up to 2lbs of disgusting body fat!*

* According to our calculations, assuming a margin of error of approx 98%.

It's flab-tastic!



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20 More People I Don’t Want to Meet

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That, plus 85.

Never mind the last bunch of losers, nutcases and dicks, here’s some more people I’m avoiding right now.

1. A cop wearing only one shoe

2. People who order skinny lattes but aren’t sure what skinny lattes are

3. People who believe Sunday is the first day of the week

4. People who insist a tomato is a fruit

5. A lap dancer that smells of cheese

6. Eighty-seven Goths

7. A door-to-door tampon salesman

8. A Christmas Parade Santa with a weak bladder

9. A vicar clenching a potato between his buttocks

10. An underage ambulance driver

11. A one-armed pizza chef

12. A dwarf dressed as a pixie

13. Anyone who bought a ShamWow because they liked the TV ad

14. A superhero with Tourette’s

15. A door-to-door door salesman

16. A bishop with a squirrel under his hat

17. A lawyer who lives in a trailer

18. A heavily perspiring Hooters Girl

19. A pixie dressed as a leprechaun

20. A Wal-Mart greeter with an erection

Have you met anyone you don’t want to meet recently?


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Tiggy’s Hit Parade: Puppet Pranks with Harry and Terry!

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Music fans! Confused by the choice at your local record store? Want to get ‘with it’ and ‘hip’ like all the cats at the local Hop? Or something? Check out Tiggy’s Hit Parade!

(Unfortunately, Tiggy doesn’t possess a turntable or any musical knowledge, so all reviews are entirely fictional).

Let’s rock around the cock!

A puppet show... in audio! Hmmm.

5. Harry and Terry

Attention fans of freaky little mechanical puppets! Top ventriloquist Terry and his little woody friend bring you the finest in voice-throwing fun… you won’t even see his lips move!

This amazing record showcases the talented duo’s spectacular routine including:

* Tap dancing – boy, that little wooden fella can move!
* Magic tricks! Pick a card, any card…
* Terry drinks a glass of water while Harry sings a song – you won’t believe your ears!
* A rousing rendition of their 1988 chart-topping hit I’m Inside My Best Friend
* A fabulous finale with dancing showgirls and a unicycling hamster

Hopefully a video version of the show will be released in the future.

Thanks to Worst Album Covers for their toppermost of the poppermost record collection.

Next time on hit parade… break out your polyester pants and glitterball for a spec-tacular Eurozone disco sensation!


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People I Don’t Want To Meet

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Deadly ninjas on a coach trip?

Here’s some people I don’t want to meet.

1. An enthusiastic undertaker

2. A swimming instructor with two penises

3. Twins who are married to each other

4. A taxi driver with bite marks on his cheeks

5. A sad weatherman

6. A party of Japanese tourists capable of killing

7. A telesales caller who just keeps repeating “Help me…”

8. A man wearing track pants that smell of cheese

9. An armed robber with a catchphrase

10. A blind TV chef

11. A bubbly anorexic

12. A vegan survival camp instructor

13. A sweaty flight attendant

14. An elderly man with a wire sticking out of his skull

15. Women who buy perfume because they liked the TV ad

16. A vegan Eskimo

17. A serial killer with a heart of gold

18. A mailman wearing make-up

19. An airline pilot with a lucky mascot

20. A grotesquely obese woman licking a pickle


Who don’t you want to meet?


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