Everything Found In 'Lookin’ Good Tiggy' Category

Cheap Cialis

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The Hard Sell

What is it with comment spammers? Every day I find a gazillion messages in my blog comment box like “I love yur blog! Cheap Cialis!”, “I think that is very interesting point but whorecum CHEAP VIAGRA Britney naked,” or “Tiggy, if you contact me again I’m calling the cops, I mean it.” Goddam spammers.

Anyway, all this spam got me thinking. There must be a reason my blog is constantly targeted by these erectile dysfunction pill pushers. Do they know something about my readership I don’t? Am I missing a marketing opportunity myself? Fortunately, my mate Sparky knows someone who knows someone who works in a lab…

*Cue sappy music*

Gentlemen! Is your little buddy letting you down? Is your once-mighty porker softer than a sausage in a sweat box? Does your wife seem to be buying more cucumbers these days?

New from TiggyLabs, Dartmouth, Switzerland… COCKANOL®, a breakthrough in male erectile dysfunctional treatment! Just one pill a day, and your miniscule meat muppet will be transformed into a mighty muscular muff magnet! Sort of.

Cockanol - It's top of the Cocks!

Just see what our very satisfied customers are saying!

* I used to be a laughing stock in the bedroom. With COCKANOL®, I’m no longer a pathetic Jizz Jester, but King of the Cocks!

* My wife can’t get enough… And neither can her sister! Or the nanny! Or the guys at the boxing club! Thanks, COCKANOL®!

* I’m typing this with my tongue because my hands are too busy. Thanks, COCKANOL®!

* It won’t go down. Please make it stop.

Side-effects include hiccups, uncomfortable pants, and restraining orders. For erections lasting over three weeks, rub affected area with COCKSTOP ® gel and contact Tiggy Labs immediately. I’ll be right over.


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If I Had $100

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Only $78.65 to go...

If I had a million dollars, I’d buy you a green dress
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy you some art
If I had a million dollars, I’d buy you a monkey
If I had a million dollars
I’d buy your love…

So sang popular music group The Barenaked Ladies. Well, it’s alright for them, isn’t it? With their luxury jets, platinum records and gold-plated bongs, it’s easy for rock stars to imagine such fabulous wealth. But in the current financial climate we are all going to have to lower our sights somewhat.

What if I had a hundred dollars? Could I still live a jet-set lifestyle?

Travel
Taking an exotic vacation is an everyday task for the rich and famous. I was planning to slip onto a flight to Bermuda disguised as an oversized golf bag. Then I realized it would cost me $60 for a taxi to the airport. And $60 to get back home. That’s $120, dammit!

Magnetic Hill! More fun than, erm...Forget air travel then. What about the bus? Not very glamorous, but if I pretended it was a rock ‘n’ roll tour bus I might just cope. I could pretend the old people were roadies and the lanky students were drug dealers.

Unfortunately, for $100 return I can only get as far as… Moncton, New Brunswick. Bermuda it ain’t. But they do have a magical magnetic hill! I can spend my luxury vacation on a foggy mountain watching cars roll backwards up a slope. Oh good.

Shelter
Forget a penthouse apartment. Forget a basement bed-sit. Forget a tent – they’re $200! But for $100 you can buy a lot of bin bags and a roll of duct tape. Simply stick them together to create a fabulous tent! You can even add an extension by taping grocery bags together. All the stars will be living in them soon! I’m going to take it on my Moncton camping trip.
I wonder… are bin bags bear-proof? At $3 a roll, I bloody hope so!

Food
Jet-setters never set foot in the kitchen – cooking is for poor people! So how can you eat out every day for months, on just $100? Easy. The cheapest food is found in the school canteen. I’m sure we all have fond childhood memories of school dinners and that plate of succulent meat thing, mashed stuff and grease sauce. Yum!

Invest $50 in a pile of textbooks, a bundle of papers and an unfashionable sweater. Roam the corridors of your local school pretending to be the supply Physics teacher. When the lunchtime bell rings, join the queue for your hearty subsidized feast!

If your disguise is too convincing, you may find yourself in front of a class full of bored teenagers. Simply tell them to open their textbooks at page 132 and read to themselves for an hour, while you hide in the janitor’s shed until home time. That’s what my teachers did!

Bargain bling! And a free key with every purchase.Stuff
$100 isn’t going to buy much stuff. I went to the dollar store to splash out on $1 trinkets and shiny things, but to my horror I discovered everything cost $2! Bastards.

Fortunately, I’ve found the perfect store to load up on bargain gems. Murder Mo’s House Of Bling & Key Cutting While-U-Wait offers glittering collection of stunning jewelry that looks a million bucks, but only costs a few New Brunswick Dollars! Now I can ‘jewel up’ and hang with the beautiful people in the hippest clubs in Moncton, without looking like a cheap idiot! Phew.

So in conclusion, is it possible to live like a jet-setting rock star on $100? Well, unless you live in a bin bag tent in Moncton and spend your days hiding in school sheds wearing plastic diamonds… No.


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Barack Huuurrrrr Obama!On 20th January 2009, the world will witness an American first. The first President of the United States who is… hot, hot, HOT!

After years of electing crusty-faced old wrinklies, the American voting public has finally seen sense – after seeing that body!

Barack Obama is possibly the world’s first PILF (a bit like a MILF, but with nukes). But are there other contenders for the title of President of Pwoahh?

* * * * *

Vladimir Putin - Ruskie Romeo?Vladimir Putin – Russia
Who wouldn’t like to be impaled by this Vlad? The smooth-talking Russian is technically Prime Minister, but we know this Leningrad lovely is really running the show! Petite Vlad makes up for his small stature by pumping away on his Bowflexski home gym, then working up a sweat in his Judo jammies!

Just imagine the fun you’ll have as Vlad whisks you away for a romantic weekend survival course in the Ural Mountains. Swoon as he hunts deer with his bare hands! Watch his muscles strain as he turns off another gas pipeline to Ukraine!
Oooh, speak Russian to me and promise not to tap my phone, big boy!

* * * * *

Mahmoud. All man.Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – Iran
The name’s Ahmadinejad… Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! Manly Mahmoud models himself as Iran’s very own 007 – but he’s loads better than that western-capitalist-pig-dog-infidel James Bond!

With his dashing good looks and stylish jackets, Ahmadinejad lives in an exciting world of intrigue, daring spy missions and stealthy gadgets (like long-range nuclear missiles).

After a hard day pissing off the West, Mahmoud likes to retire to his Tehran bunker with his bevy of burkha-clad babes. He likes his mint tea shaken, not stirred! Otherwise he’ll break your legs.

* * * * *

King of Bling Jammeh!Yahya Jammah – The Gambia
If you’re looking for hot love in the wilds of Africa, say “Yah!” to Gambian nutjob, I mean president, Yahya Jammah! He’ll sweep you off your feet with a ride in his presidential tank while touring his kingdom, I mean constituency.

After a sumptuous banquet lunch (what poverty?) and an enjoyable afternoon spent falsifying election ballots, retire to his palace gardens for a relaxing game of Hunt the Homosexual. Don’t forget to pack your favourite machine gun and a few million dollars of aid. Rarrrrr!

* * * * *

Stephen Harper - sorry girls, he's married!Stephen Harper – Canada
Canada is famous for its cute men. So who better to lead the country than cuddly Conservative PM Stephen Harper? With his timeless ‘JFK’ haircut and adorable pudgy face, who could resist this Canadian bacon for breakfast?

Snuggle up to Steve’s famous fluffy sweater as he plays a medley of family-friendly Beatles hits on his piano. But not those nasty songs about drugs and sex – drugs and sex are EVIL and UNGODLY! Everything in Steve’s world is nice and cuddly. Apart from those nasty stinking oil sands, but let’s not worry about that, eh?
Look, fluffy sweater!

* * * * *

It looks like Obama will be holding onto his PILF crown for a long time yet. Are there any world leaders you would like to have intimate relations with? Or does the very thought make you feel queasy and rather violent? Tell Tiggy!


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Arrggghhh! Oooohhh!Its official – men with beards are hot. Wouldn’t you love to fiddle with Dave Grohl’s grungy stubble, or swoon over George Clooney’s latest cock pirate look? I’d run a mile in the opposite direction if they shaved, that’s for sure.

I’ve been a beard fan since I was four and fell in love with Animal from the Muppet Show (I also wanted to marry C3-PO, but that story is going no further than my therapist).

As a four-year-old girl I dreamed of having my own beard one day. My fantasy was shattered after I excitedly informed my dad I wanted a beard like Animal’s when I grew up. Dad had to break the news to his sobbing daughter that ladies couldn’t grow beards. And maybe it was also time to reveal that C3-PO wasn’t a real robot. Childhood can be so painful.

It’s not fair. If women could grow beards just think of the fun we could have with them.

An attractive addition to your beard.– Hairdressers can double their profits as matching hair ‘n’ beard highlights become fashionable. Women can squander more money on overpriced beard-care products to enhance their facial fur.

Accessories like ribbons, glitter and flashing LED lights could be woven into the beard to create a stunning look for the weekly Girls’ Night Out.

– Woke up with a beard that would make Fidel Castro weep? Now you can add Bad Beard Day to your list of excuses to stay in bed. Tell your boss you are sick due to “women’s problems” and no further questions will be asked. If your boss is a man you can take the rest of the week off, they have no clue about these things.

– Coordinate your “lady parts” and beard with a theme! Wow them at the clothing-optional beach with matching Brazilian stripes, or a sexy heart-shaped trim to impress your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day!

Those flashing LED lights could also be incorporated for a seasonal Christmas tree theme, creating a stunning festive display “above and below”.

Just think how many cans of beans you could hide in there.– Beards have lots of practical uses. Never lose your keys or small children again by simply tying them to your beard.

Growing a long ZZ-Top beard will come in handy on holiday as a fluffy beach towel, or use it to hide grocery items you are not intending to pay for.

A beard of my own is but a dream, unless I start taking steroids or save my hair clippings to create my own face fuzz. Lady beards could be the new black! Look out for it at the next Paris Fashion Show.

The cock pirate look is all the rage over at Humor-Blogs.com


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