Tag: japan

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre: Happy Panda-Seal Yummy Beer Twigs

If I'm honest, I really have no idea what this is.

Beer drinkers! Do you enjoy spending the day consuming your body weight in hoppy alcoholic products – I know I do! Don’t want to waste your precious drinking time or money on food? Fortunately those boozy boffins in Japan have been working on a super new bar snack that satisfies all your nutritional needs!

Happy Panda-Seal Yummy Beer Twigs are fashioned from shards of ancient cherry trees grown in the shadow of Mount Fuji. Each stick is delicately flavoured with tasty Teriyaki whale and a hint of Kyoto extract. One pack contains all the goodness your liver and digestive system desperately crave!

* Those 24-hour booze binges will be a breeze with just a handful of Beer Twigs – you’ll have enough energy to drink all night! Laugh at your fast-food stuffed friends as they vomit their undigested burgers all over the street.

* Beer Twigs are perfect for those wilderness campsite drinking sessions – you can even use them to start your camp fire! Simply rub two sticks together to spark an instant flame (remove from mouth before attempting to light).

* Beer Twigs can also be used as hamster bedding, loft insulation, or glue them together to create your own beer twig Bonsai tree! Ahhh so!


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Diet Water

Diet water! No, really!

We all know how hard it is to diet – trying to lose those hanging rolls of repulsive flab can seem like an impossible feat! Fortunately those svelte Japanese boffins have invented an incredible new weight loss weapon – Diet Water! It’s fat-tastic!

According to our calculations, regular water contains zero calories, so this magical mineral water must contain minus 50 calories, or something like that! Drink Diet Water and you are actually LOSING weight! Or something like that!*

* Enjoy all those forbidden foods including burgers, pepperoni and lard sandwiches – Diet Water will wash those fatty calories right out your system and replace them with negative calories, somehow! Save up your negative calories as credits towards your next uncontrolled McBinge session!

* Need to squeeze yourself into that wedding dress or manly beach thong? Simply consume nothing but Diet Water for just ONE WEEK and you could flush away up to 2lbs of disgusting body fat!*

* According to our calculations, assuming a margin of error of approx 98%.

It's flab-tastic!



Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail

People I Don’t Want To Meet

Deadly ninjas on a coach trip?

Here’s some people I don’t want to meet.

1. An enthusiastic undertaker

2. A swimming instructor with two penises

3. Twins who are married to each other

4. A taxi driver with bite marks on his cheeks

5. A sad weatherman

6. A party of Japanese tourists capable of killing

7. A telesales caller who just keeps repeating “Help me…”

8. A man wearing track pants that smell of cheese

9. An armed robber with a catchphrase

10. A blind TV chef

11. A bubbly anorexic

12. A vegan survival camp instructor

13. A sweaty flight attendant

14. An elderly man with a wire sticking out of his skull

15. Women who buy perfume because they liked the TV ad

16. A vegan Eskimo

17. A serial killer with a heart of gold

18. A mailman wearing make-up

19. An airline pilot with a lucky mascot

20. A grotesquely obese woman licking a pickle


Who don’t you want to meet?


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail

Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Kawaii

Agggh! Kawaii cute overload!

10. Kawaii

A Japanese word meaning ‘Cute Panties’.

Having conquered the world’s auto market by making things that didn’t break down and piss oil every six miles, Japanese designers devoted the rest of their time to drawing cute fluffy things.

Keep Kitty close with Kawaii Panties!By simply adding images of big-eyed bunnies to boxes of squid-flavoured candy, they discovered they could extract $$$ from small children.

It is now compulsory for all Japanese products to be emblazoned with happy fruit or tearful pandas.

In the hope of creating the next big Kawaii hit I drew a smiley face on a potato, called it Mi So Happy Pom and touted it around Tokyo.

But it went a bit mouldy.

Tiggy's Kawaii effort. Hmm.

They’re plushy, cute and wear Hello Kitty panties over at Humor-Blogs.com

 


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail