Never be stuck for swear words again!

Fuck. I’m so bored of that swear word. I use the same old insults every minute of every day. Fuck off, screw you, suck a swan, blah, blah, etc. These insults are getting old and tired!

Luckily for everyone, I’ve come up with a variety of new swears, insults and handy phrases you can use for your everyday rants and road rage showdowns.

1. Suck My Invisible Cock – This is a useful insult for ladies. Or men without cocks.

2. Dick Trap – a nice change from the usual slut or whore.

3. Twat Ratchet – Every mechanics’ garage should have one, and frequently does.

4. Go Fuck Toffee – Have you tried fucking toffee? It’s very difficult.

5. Frig Magnet – Not to be confused with the handy kitchen accessory.

Wankatron or penguin filler? Take your pick.6. Wankatron – A great nerd insult. You’ve spilled Cheez Whiz all over the file server, you wankatron.

7. Jizz Jockey – A bit like a Disc Jockey, only stickier.

8. Butt Frog – Not something you’d want to see in your local pond.

9. Mitch – A male bitch. Apologies to readers called Mitch, but hey, wouldn’t it be cool to have a swearword as a name?

10. Cock Doctor – OK, some people really are cock doctors.

11. Twot – Only very posh people should use this, like the Queen or Oprah Winfrey

12. Chimney Whore – I don’t really know what one of these is.

13. Fog Fucker – Have you tried fucking fog? It’s almost impossible.

14. Twatwagon – A great insult for the motorist. Why don’t you go join your rolling twatwagon of fog fuckers… Officer.

15. Nadbadger – A comparison to a testicle-loving woodland animal? Ouch!

16. Kiss My Colon – I’m sure I wouldn’t want to do that.

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me, Linux boy?17. Penguin FillerGo fill a penguin, you wankatron. Another good insult for nerdy Linux fans.

18. Fuckerydoo – A game played by nadbadgers with the intention of pissing you off. My neighbour played fuckerydoo with the cops and busted my illegal puppy farm.

19. Sharkey – You’ll never hear this very rude word on TV, that’s for sure! For added impact, combine with Fergal – Nearly as bad as sharkey, but referring to a less moist orifice.

20. Jam Banger – Have you tried… oh, never mind.

So, next time some dicktrap driving her twatwagon full of screaming frig magnets rear-ends you, you can let the jam-banging cock doctor know exactly how you feel. Then you can tell that fergal sharkey of a twat ratchet at the repair garage to quit playing fuckerydoo and fix your car, otherwise he can suck your invisible cock. Fog fucker.

No, don’t thank me or send money for adding new swears to your lexicon. It’s just a service I provide.


28 Responses to “New Swear Words – Just For You!”

Fuckerydoo … I shall spread this word throughout the office today.

dawg’s last blog post..Naked Puss for Vday

You’re my friggin hero! I’m so using these….

Sarcasta-Mom’s last blog post..So Far…..

Tiggy, I know you said not to thank you for that, but my swearing was getting very trite and boring, so thanks for providing such a great service! Thanks also for the laughs.

Joel Klebanoff’s last blog post..Product Review: WPoC/Vision™ with GUOYFA*Touch™

Jam banger–I love it!

Good of you to really perk up the cussing for the world at large. I agree that creativity is important– you want your swearing to make an impact. And the same old words just don’t do it anymore.

Me, I’m trying to bring some of the really old cursing back. I’m not sure how far back I’ll go… possibly lurk somewhere around the Canterbury Tales era. Chaucer had it going on, cuss-wise.

Jenn’s last blog post..Rip Slaughter: Zombie for Hire

Oh, these are freaking awesome. I have to say, my favorites are Cock Doctor and Chimney Whore. I can just imagine the look on someone’s face when I call them one of these. “Suck my invisible dick” is my new slogan.

JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I Get Hurt so you don’t have to

Thanks everyone! At the moment I’m a keen amateur swearist, but I hope to turn professional one day.

I need to print this out and integrate them all into my vocabulary!!

thinkinfyou’s last blog post..They Don’t Know Dick!

Tiggy, I see you visited me, so I returned the favor.
My personal contribution to the vernacular of swear words is “fuckulation”. People who drive very slowly in the passing lane are “fuckulators”, who are “fuckulating” around.
People who talk on cell phones while driving and weaving in and out of their lane are “Fuckulated” in the head. are you getting my theme yet?
The mere act of performing one of the above sins is a highway “fuckulation” Feel free to come up with your own usage!

Chris Casey’s last blog post..Guys, if you want the girl to like you, pay attention


OooooOOOooo I can’t wait to start using these…Thanks Tiggy ..

bwahahaha! Loves it! creative swears, I needs them. 😀

Thanks very much for these words, I’ve been meaning to learn how to swear for a very long time, but something always seems to come up and interrupt my learning schedule. Up to this point I’ve had to suffice with, Darnit! and Hey Turkey!

Were you drunk when you tried to fuck toffee? Or just pubescent and it was there?

Mike’s last blog post..The God of Probably

Im so down with this!


Chris’s last blog post..The toaster, home-made tarter sauce and things that I have learned today

My favorite is Wankatron. LOL

How about:

“Sperm Bank!”


“Needle Dick Bug Fucker!”

DeadRooster’s last blog post..Dead Rooster Rises from the Grave

I’ll see your fuckulate and raise you a refuckulator. And no, I’ve never personally fucked toffee, but if anyone has, please share your experience!

Needle Dick and Bug Fucker are very worthy contributions! I shall try them out at work tomorrow. Sperm Bank makes me feel a little nauseous. Or is that a little horny? Hmmm, not sure.

Oh my….now I have to go and burn all of Undertones vinyl…

Some years ago I formed the Asshole Anti-Defamation League under the auspices of Department of Sphincter Control. I used cards for people who were proud to be part of the sphincterhood. We had a secret handshake that involved washing up afterwards.

I still use our ASL here’s winking at you hand sign by rubbing the index finger along the inside of the thumb and squeezing down like ejecting the worm end of a turd.

It’s a wonderfully disgusted gesture. Try it. Even cops laugh when they see it.

Twat Ratchet and Wankatron. Amazing. I love lists and swearing, so I’m going to take this post behind the school and get it pregnant. Then I’m going to Stumble it.

Chowner’s last blog post..I’m having second thoughts about my upcoming pectoral implant surgery.

Very good. I will definitely use wankatron.


John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Carlo a Hero; Carnage Averted

I love these and have a special plan for twatwagon. However, I still love fuck, fucking, fuck-an-a. It’s my fav. Hey, how about fuck fav? I think I’ll use that one, too. LMAO

maggie madison’s last blog post..tea tree oil counter spray

You made it onto the Top 15 funniest sites…on a MOM blog. LOL. Don’t you feel proud?

Seriously, too funny!

Victoria Arya’s last blog post..Do You Have a Happy Green Baby? I Do! (giveaway!)

Dudes, check out this Creative Cursing book:

Jizz Jockey is in there!!

cool… funny new swear words i can use in school. now i could call the teachers names and they wont understand thank you so very much

I love the the “Mitch” word. I agree some of the swears are a little bit overused already. it would be great to use those. Good job Mitch!

Your fucking great swear words are fantastic smily face

Flipping heck that’s some spicy words!!

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