13. Clown

An illness. Symptoms include big red nose, large pants and a strong urge to destroy innocent young lives with balloon animals. Ask yourself:

- Is falling over in a pair of oversize shoes amusing?

- Does a car that falls apart (that isn’t a Hyundai) tickle your funny bone?

- Has a clown ever done anything that made you laugh and feel happy inside?

- Have you ever hired one of these reprobates to traumatize small children at birthday parties?

If you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself. Ashamed.

Don’t forget nasty serial killer John Wayne Gacey used to dress up as a clown when he wasn’t out slashing and hacking. And he probably had balloons too. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Word Of The Day | 18 Comments »

12. Spaghetti

Invented by the Chinese in 250 BC, Italian food consists of pasta, pizza and parts of the pig you’d prefer to stay in the pig.

Spaghetti is best washed down with a light sparkling Frizzante (produced using a traditional method of fermenting grapes in old petroleum cans).

For extra authenticity, top your spaghetti with a Tommydevito, a spicy meatball made from pork, spices and snitches.

Did you know that the most popular Italian song in the world is Shuddupa Ya Face by Joe Dolce, Italy’s very own King of Rock?

The Vatican were considering making it their national anthem, but the Pope plumped for ZZ Top’s more conservative Gimme All Your Lovin’ instead. Sellout.

Word Of The Day | 8 Comments »

11. Schadenfreude

Not to be confused with shaftenfreund, which involves Bavarian sausages and hairy men called Gunter, schadenfreude is when the misfortune of others results in you having a bloody good laugh at their expense, making you feel better about your own pathetic life.

For example. Your so-called friends decide to hold a massive party. It’s going to be the best party in town! But your probation officer forbids you from going. It’s not fair! You will miss all the fun. You are sad.

The party is in full swing. But suddenly a huge hurricane blows through town, sweeping up the partygoers and washing them away into the sea to be lost forever. Their party is totally ruined! Lol. You feel much better.

Coming soon on Tiggyblog: Tiggy tries her hand at the ancient art of Haiku poetry! Then makes her movie acting debut (no, really!) How much of a mess can she make of that? Find out soon… and don’t forget to to subscribe to keep up with the latest madness!

Word Of The Day | 4 Comments »

10. Kawaii

A Japanese word meaning ‘Cute Panties’.

Having conquered the world’s auto market by making things that didn’t break down and piss oil every six miles, Japanese designers devoted the rest of their time to drawing cute fluffy things.

By simply adding images of big-eyed bunnies to boxes of squid-flavoured candy, they discovered they could extract $$$ from small children.

It is now compulsory for all Japanese products to be emblazoned with happy fruit or tearful pandas.

In the hope of creating the next big Kawaii hit I drew a smiley face on a potato, called it Mi So Happy Pom and touted it around Tokyo.

But it went a bit mouldy.

They’re plushy, cute and wear Hello Kitty panties over at Humor-Blogs.com

Word Of The Day | 9 Comments »