In my quest to find gainful employment, I’m trying out some new career options. The bar work and animal stuffing jobs didn’t go so well. I need something more glamourous and exciting…
3. Erotica Shop
If I’m going to work in a shop, it might as well sell interesting stuff. So what better than a XXX adults-only sex shop? At least it won’t be full of schoolchildren and old ladies muttering about arthritis. And a 10% employee discount on all leather goods!
However, my day at Sticky Ricky’s Love Emporium wasn’t all fun and Vaseline…
– Don’t ask “Can I help you, Sir?” to an obviously amateur transvestite.
– Using the PA system to announce “We’re rolling back prices on cock rings!” is not appropriate.
– Employees only get a 5% discount. Dammit!
4. Movie Extra
I was always destined for acting greatness. Ever since my well-received performance as sheep #3 in the school nativity, I knew my acting talents should be developed. Unfortunately my fake Actors’ Union membership card fooled no-one, but I managed to get work as an extra. Things I learned…
The director didn’t actually use me; he just locked me in a packing trunk all day.
– Do not accept any work for movies about high seas, mountain rescues or being trapped at the top of blazing roller coasters.
– The director does not need ‘in-the-field’ assistance and criticism from you, the 19th pedestrian on the left. Unless you want to go back in the packing trunk again.
– You will spend most of the day huddled in the corner of a muddy field with your fellow extras, while the cast and crew laugh at you from their cozy trailers. The lead actors will pass the time by playing ‘Extras Skittles’ with oranges and small rocks.
So much for my dream job! Sitting in a warm office drinking coffee and breaking wind all day doesn’t seem like such a bad deal after all.
And on the bright side, I still have my Sticky Ricky’s Dirty Discounts card…
2 for 1 deal on all leather thongs over at Humor Blogs