Tag: sex

Hit Parade: Stuffparty 2

Music fans! Pantin’ for a spankin’ soundtrack to get yo booty twerkin’ on the dance floor? You are? Well fuck me, you’re in luck. Tiggy’s Hit Parade has returned!

(Unfortunately, Tiggy doesn’t possess a turntable or any musical knowledge, so all reviews are entirely fictional).

Get on down! Then on up! If possible.

This record is solid gold and not shit at all!

12. Bjuder Up Till Stuffparty 2 – Larz Kristerz

GOLD!!! From King Midas to President Trump, those crazy rich people can’t get enough of it. But those lucky Swedes possess the most precious gold of all! Bling King Larz Kristerz and his troupe of shiny Swedish lovetarts have worked up a sweat and tossed gold stardust all over their hot new groove, Stuffparty 2! Dance away the pain of grinding poverty and imminent apocalypse with comely hits including:

* Fingerfahrt My Lovely Lady
* Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Oooh Sex
* Mein Bag Hajr (Ist on Fire For You)
* Star-Spangled Gangbanger
* Shower Me Gentlisch Int Your Golden Love
* Sticky Stockholm Stocking Slutz
* Pump My Love My Starfish (David Guetta remix)

They say all that glitters isn’t gold – but those crazy people are just wrong! Or perhaps have a degenerative eye disease or something.

Next time on Hit Parade: It’s a bit like Snoop Dogg… but it isn’t Snoop Dogg!

No really, it isn’t Snoop Dogg.


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Tiggy’s Thought for the Day – Masturbation

Hyper wank device! Awesome.Why do you never see any books on masturbation? Do It Yourself guides to Doing It Yourself? Considering everyone does it at least every day, sometimes more (and don’t pretend you don’t) there has been precious little written about it.

Everyone eats three times a day, and look at the massive cookery section at your local bookstore! We have cooking celebrities like Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey, so why no experts on masturbation to give us all a helping hand?
On the other hand, I suppose we should be thankful Jamie and Gordon discovered their talent lay in cookery, not cockery.

Are the experts too busy playing with themselves to hold a pen and write a book? I suppose they could record their tugging tips by using a hands-free dictaphone (a dicktaphone)? An audio book on masturbation could be a best seller!

Just don’t listen to it while driving.


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Cheap Cialis

The Hard Sell

What is it with comment spammers? Every day I find a gazillion messages in my blog comment box like “I love yur blog! Cheap Cialis!”, “I think that is very interesting point but whorecum CHEAP VIAGRA Britney naked,” or “Tiggy, if you contact me again I’m calling the cops, I mean it.” Goddam spammers.

Anyway, all this spam got me thinking. There must be a reason my blog is constantly targeted by these erectile dysfunction pill pushers. Do they know something about my readership I don’t? Am I missing a marketing opportunity myself? Fortunately, my mate Sparky knows someone who knows someone who works in a lab…

*Cue sappy music*

Gentlemen! Is your little buddy letting you down? Is your once-mighty porker softer than a sausage in a sweat box? Does your wife seem to be buying more cucumbers these days?

New from TiggyLabs, Dartmouth, Switzerland… COCKANOL®, a breakthrough in male erectile dysfunctional treatment! Just one pill a day, and your miniscule meat muppet will be transformed into a mighty muscular muff magnet! Sort of.

Cockanol - It's top of the Cocks!

Just see what our very satisfied customers are saying!

* I used to be a laughing stock in the bedroom. With COCKANOL®, I’m no longer a pathetic Jizz Jester, but King of the Cocks!

* My wife can’t get enough… And neither can her sister! Or the nanny! Or the guys at the boxing club! Thanks, COCKANOL®!

* I’m typing this with my tongue because my hands are too busy. Thanks, COCKANOL®!

* It won’t go down. Please make it stop.

Side-effects include hiccups, uncomfortable pants, and restraining orders. For erections lasting over three weeks, rub affected area with COCKSTOP ® gel and contact Tiggy Labs immediately. I’ll be right over.


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Tiggy’s Thought for the Day – Dead Sexy

Dead is not sexy.Is it wrong to imagine having sex with a dead person? And I don’t mean that in the way you’re thinking. Do you ever watch an old movie, and begin to lust over the hot lead actor/actress? “Woah, that guy is hot! I’d definitely hit that!” Then you realize that this actor is now 90 years old, incontinent and senile. And your lust buzz dies a little. Or even worse, the actor is dead! He is now little more than a hot skeleton. Kinda takes the edge off it a bit.

Do you ever watch a stand-up comedy routine on TV, by a comedian who has since died? Do you feel a bit guilty when you laugh? The guy is funny, but he’s dead. He’s rotting away somewhere in a casket, yet there he is, cracking funnies and full of life. Your humour buzz dies a little. You feel mean for laughing at a dead guy.

Then the comedian makes a joke about… death. And it wouldn’t matter if it was the funniest joke in the world, all you can think is “Oh, it’s so ironic! He’s dead, and he’s joking about being dead, but now he is dead, and it’s so sad…” and you feel time slipping away and you realize the whole transient nature of the universe and that we are only here for a short time and you’re going to die and you wish you’d watched the news instead.

If the dead comedian was also hot, then you’re really in trouble.


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