Tiggy’s New Job – Part One
You know you’re bored at work when you spend the day stapling your hair to the desk for something to do. It’s time to leave when you start breaking wind just to annoy your fellow office workers.
But no more tedious office jobs for me! My future career is going to be exciting and rewarding with lots of free lunches and things to steal. Hmm, let me see…
1. Bar Manager
This sounds like a dream job! Late nights, free booze and cheery customers bloating their livers while swelling my coffers. A friend with a bar let me shadow him for the evening. I learned a few things.
– Testing the liquor optics by sucking on them is not correct procedure.
– A rude and obnoxious diner is not to be advised that Tonight’s Special is Pan-Fried Fuck Off.
– ‘A round of drinks’ does not automatically include one for the bar manager.
– You will spend 85% of your time doing the accounts, 10% cleaning vomit from the ladies’ washroom and 10% re-doing the accounts because the numbers don’t add up.
Running a bar sucks! I know which side of the counter I’ll be staying in future.
2. Working with Animals
Apart from cats, I love all animals and they love me too. I would make a great Zoo keeper (apart from the poop, I’m not touching that) or racehorse breeder (apart from the poop, I’m not touching that) or veterinarian (apart from the poop, puke and fleas… ok, I’m not doing that).
There’s no better way to get to know animals inside out than a job at Bob’s Taxidermy! It’s like a petting zoo for bears, moose and ducks. Although the day did not go so well…
– No poop. But I’d forgotten about the blood, entrails and brains.
– Don’t poke a dead moose with a broom handle. Stuff will seep out.
– Offering to stuff Trapper Joe’s wife when she drops dead is not considered good customer service. Even if you offer a discount.
– Buckshot is difficult to extract from your own bum cheeks. Trapper Joe has a good shot.
Next time! Tiggy goes X-rated at an adult store and suffers on a movie set! Again!
8 thoughts on “Tiggy’s New Job – Part One”
I used to work as a waitress and regularly recommended the popular dish “Sauteed Why Don’t You Die, Bitch, with a side of charred Kiss My Ass.” My coffers did not swell.
You did a great job with that German Shepherd!
It is a German Shepherd, isnt it??
Hm… hard to type, having stapled my hair to the desk. But I just wanted to say how much I like the dog you were working on. Very natural. Lovely plumage. 🙂
I think I’ll stay on the other side of the bar too!
Heya, Tiggy- Off topic, but wanted to let you know, you won in the Of Cabbages and Kings caption contest. Pop by and see, when you get a chance! Cheers.
JD: Did ‘Sweet & Sour Suck It’ sell well for you?
Jeff: Of course it is! It isn’t a husky at all. Really. But try telling that to the owners, huh.
Jenn: If you think that’s bad, you should have seen the moose! How I managed to work that extra leg in, I’ll never know.
Kirsten: I’ll join ya? And seeing as my job didn’t work out… can you order me a Cosmo?
Jenn: I wunz ur capshuns! Thank you!