Tag: taxidermist

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Process That Deer!

Oh deer!

Hunters – do you have piles of dead deer blocking up your lodge entrance? Devoid of ideas on what to do with your bloodied bounty? All stuffed out with the Do-It-Yourself Taxidermy kit? Thank goodness someone has created this fabulous DVD packed with ideas to – yes – process that deer!

Featuring step-by-step instructions from leading deer processing experts Monty O’Drizzle and his assistant Bob Nutter, you too can get that decaying deer cut and shut before sundown!

* Slash, slice and dice with confidence as you transform your bucket of buck into a bountiful feast of burgers, pies and sausages. You’ll be such a culinary hit even your tree-sucking vegetarian friends will be gorging on bloody steaks in no time!

* Monty and Bob demonstrate 101 uses for a deceased doe and create accessories for your truck and trailer, stunning costume jewellery, a children’s bouncy castle and a replica of the late Charlton Heston!

– Don’t forget to order the slash-happy duo’s other entrail-taining DVDs including

* Beaver BBQ Blow Out
* Black Bear to Biofuel In Three Easy Steps
* You Hit The Cat, Now What?

So grab your rifle and get blasting!


Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Teach Yourself Taxidermy Kit

Stuff it and see!

Tired of paying $$$ to Bob’s Taxidermy for your road kill trophies? Simply stuff it yourself with this awesome DIY taxidermy kit! It contains all the tools and plastic sheeting you need to learn the ancient art of mammal mounting.

* It’s easy when you know how! With a few careful incisions remove soft tissue, mucus and entrails from your subject. Stretch the remains around a mould, pop in some eyes and presto!

Your friends will be so impressed they’ll be lining up at your door with piles of fresh kill just dying to be immortalized!

* Don’t let the beloved former family pet rot away in a hole – the best monument to your pet IS your pet! Fluffy or Rover can now sit loyally on the fireplace or bookshelf forever.

Help your kids through the grieving process by letting them help with their dead pet’s taxidermy treatment. It will make a great school science project.


Tiggy’s New Job – Part One

Farewell crappy office job, hello adventure! I hope.

You know you’re bored at work when you spend the day stapling your hair to the desk for something to do. It’s time to leave when you start breaking wind just to annoy your fellow office workers.

But no more tedious office jobs for me! My future career is going to be exciting and rewarding with lots of free lunches and things to steal. Hmm, let me see…

1. Bar Manager

This sounds like a dream job! Late nights, free booze and cheery customers bloating their livers while swelling my coffers. A friend with a bar let me shadow him for the evening. I learned a few things.

Where in the Canadian Labour Code does it state the barmen have to be dressed?– Testing the liquor optics by sucking on them is not correct procedure.

– A rude and obnoxious diner is not to be advised that Tonight’s Special is Pan-Fried Fuck Off.

– ‘A round of drinks’ does not automatically include one for the bar manager.

– You will spend 85% of your time doing the accounts, 10% cleaning vomit from the ladies’ washroom and 10% re-doing the accounts because the numbers don’t add up.

Running a bar sucks! I know which side of the counter I’ll be staying in future.

2. Working with Animals
Apart from cats, I love all animals and they love me too. I would make a great Zoo keeper (apart from the poop, I’m not touching that) or racehorse breeder (apart from the poop, I’m not touching that) or veterinarian (apart from the poop, puke and fleas… ok, I’m not doing that).

There’s no better way to get to know animals inside out than a job at Bob’s Taxidermy! It’s like a petting zoo for bears, moose and ducks. Although the day did not go so well…

Well, I thought I'd captured the essence of poor Duke quite nicely.– No poop. But I’d forgotten about the blood, entrails and brains.

– Don’t poke a dead moose with a broom handle. Stuff will seep out.

– Offering to stuff Trapper Joe’s wife when she drops dead is not considered good customer service. Even if you offer a discount.

– Buckshot is difficult to extract from your own bum cheeks. Trapper Joe has a good shot.

Next time! Tiggy goes X-rated at an adult store and suffers on a movie set! Again!


Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Taxidermist

Some Taxidermists are better than others.

4. Taxidermist

Veterinarian for dead animals. Duties include pulling guts from gunned-down moose and posing dead cats in hilarious ‘human-like’ poses.

The vast majority of taxidermists are called Bob.

I’d love to walk into a taxidermist’s studio and say “Hi there Bob, how much to stuff my beaver?”

If anyone has a dead beaver they no longer need, please let me know.