Tiggy is a Bad Girl
No, this post isn’t about whips and leather fetishes. Maybe I’ll post those pictures later, but in the meantime I have a problem.
It states on my birth certificate I am female, but I wonder if the doctor made a mistake. I appear female, but I’m incapable of being girly. I only own four pairs of shoes, I’ve never been to a spa and I’m terrified of hairdressers. I’ve seen more feminine transvestites (even the ones with beards).
As you may know from my previous beauty attempts my face does not improve with make-up. Attempting to conceal my morning hangover with expensive beauty products, I look like I’m auditioning for a Rob Zombie horror flick. Those beautiful ladies on the make-up adverts promise I’ll look radiant and sexy, but neglect to add “This product will smudge, crack, get stuck in your eye and cause small children to laugh at you in the Post Office'”. Bitches.
But I’m A LADY! I do Lady things!
If my face is a multicolour disaster zone, my nails are even worse. I’ve seen battery farm chickens with better manicures. Not that I would dare have them done professionally – I’d get laughed out the beauty parlour with “I have an emery board, not a magic wand,” ringing in my ears.
Clothes shopping is a retail pastime for proper ladies, but a journey to hell for me. I go out with the intention of buying nice girly dresses. After trying every dress in the store and sobbing in the changing room until Security ejects me, I go home with a t-shirt and a vow never to leave my house again. Why do lady clothes make me look like a bad drag act?
OK, I Give Up
And the horror of wearing high heels! It’s not a sexy walk, more of a lurch. I would rather use the excuse of being drunk and on drugs than admit I’m sober and cannot walk in stilettos. (Although that excuse doesn’t go down well at job interviews, trust me).
So I clatter awkwardly down the street in my transvestite dress and zombie make-up, about to fall off my heels into the path of oncoming traffic. I wonder how many more are like me. Not that I can tell who they are, as they look like bad drag acts too.
I’m going to stop trying to be girly, burn my clothes and become a back-to-earth naturist. Hippies danced around all day with nothing more than a flower in their hair and seemed perfectly happy. I’ll have an excuse never to leave house and if I do, I would be a bad girl. I’ll post some pictures after the cops release me.
They like dressing up in ladies’ clothing over at Humor-Blogs.com
Tiggy, high heels and make up are over rated. Your sense of humor makes you a perfect 10.
Yeah..the whole mani/pedi thing is beyond me. I bite my nails and the few times I’ve gotten my feet done, there’s a lot of head shaking and talking in Vietnamese. I think they’re saying “leather.”
Oh, Tiggy, I am with you! I have never felt comfortable being girly. I do not even like wearing shoes, let alone high heels and I haven’t worn a dress in ages.
I like being ‘one of the boys’, they have more fun! 🙂
Burn the bra, I say. Then do jumping jacks. Lots of them.
I’m with you – for years my mom tried to make me wear dresses, and I have finally gotten rid of them ALL – ahhh freedom. The only skirt I ever wear now is a tye dye wrap around skirt. With my chacos. That is dress up now.
Joe: Thank you! And my sore feet thank your too.
Alice: If only people could laugh in other languages so we didn’t know they were mocking us!
Chelle: Yes, tomboys have more fun! And we have boobies too!
Damon: I shall, and I will take photos to prove it.
Stephanie: My mom used to make me wear ribbons and frilly socks too, in the vain hope I may turn into a lady one day.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m not very girly either. That’s probably due, in most part, to the fact that I have male genitals.
Non-girly girls unite! Let us rejoice in our nakedness!
I used to be more girly. But now when I put on makeup, I feel like I look like a clown. It’s just so . . . blatant. I’M WEARING MAKEUP!
I absolutely don’t do heels. I can cut my own nails, thank you very much. As for hair, until today (screams in terror), I’ve gone to a lady in her basement. But today, I visit a real salon for a big-girl haircut.
Woot.
I don’t think spa treatments and heels so high you half to lift your leg like a Rockette (or John Cleese at the Ministry of Silly Walks) just to not trip on the dragging heel means you’re girly. It means you have great potential to be sort of annoying to the folks not walking like John Cleese in drag.
I have to wear make-up because I am so pale I otherwise would not have facial features. I don’t see it though as a girl prerogative, though.
Just be Tiggy. 🙂
Hey! I’m a girly girl and I’ve never been to the spa nor do I get a Pedi or Mani. I do wear heels and make up. I think you’re awesome just the way you are!!!
LOL-“Lurching” in high heels. I’ve never really been able to accurately describe my walking style while wearing heels over half an inch. Lurching is perfect!!!!!!!!
And your tootsies will thank you for not subjecting them to the torture of heels.
You go girl!
http://www.peglegstarfish.com
I’m not a girly girl, but I do wear makeup. That’s because I’m fearful of looking “old” and uncool. Sad, I know.
isn’t perfect ten a strip club
You’re hilarious! I agree totally with the high heel’s situation, but I’ve never been able to bring myself around to wearing them. The mental image is bad enough.
What a brilliant website. I am transsexual but agree with everything you say, i have a large number of transgender friends and have passed this blog link to them so they can take a look.
Gosh … in my early days I had some terrible hair days, horrified with my hair dresser and broke many many pairs of 6 inch heels, but you have to laugh.
Keep up the great blog.
Val xx
.-= Val Marks´s last blog ..Transvestite Clothing | Cross Dressing Clothes Shoes =-.
Val: Why, thank you! I hope your adventures in high heels are going better than mine… 🙂