While relaxing on the beach during your vacation, do you notice:
– The people with the highest fat density wear the least amount of clothes?
– Hot-looking beach babes always sit next to you when you have water retention?
– Pasty redheads on sun loungers seem to think they can outsmart solar rays?
– The person who used the beach washroom before you didn’t flush?
– Savage hungry seagulls can hear an ice cream being unwrapped from five miles away?
– All children under seven appear to be on speed?
– No matter where you lay your beach towel, you always end up next to a giant ant colony?
– Beach babes always sit next to you when you have bikini-line shaving rash?
– You find sand up your bum even if you’re sitting on a shingle beach?
– The person who used the beach washroom before you had some really bad oysters the night before?
– Fat old women with enormous flabby thighs just can’t stop bending down and picking up shells in front of you?
– Metal detector operators combing the shoreline always look poor?
– Beach babes always sit next to you when you have a hangover that would break Keith Richard?
– When you kick a kid’s sandcastle, their father is always 200lbs larger than you?
– The more wrinkly the man, the tighter the Speedos?
– No matter where you lay your beach towel, you always end up next to an overfriendly drunk hobo called Captain Billy?
– Redhead sunbathers seem to think the best cure for agonizing sunburn is more sunbathing?
– Despite storing them in an airtight box, the main ingredient of your sandwiches is sand? Or ants?
– Women who sunbathe with their legs wide open are usually over 70?
– The person who used the beach washroom before you was Captain Billy?
Beaches are hell. Stay home!