Monty: Hey Tiggy fans, it’s time for another Meat Beat with me, Monty O’Drizzle, Professor of Pork and critter shootin’ superstar! And with me is my assistant, Bob Nutter, with some news he saw on the internet television.
Bob: Hi everyone! A fan sent me a story about Theressa Groenwald-Hagerman, the world’s greatest female bow hunter! She has pulled off quite a feat that I’m sure you’ll love to hear about.
Monty: Now, me and Bobby-boy may be men of the forest, I mean real men, who smell as good as we sweat. But we don’t mind seein’ the little ladies havin’ a go at huntin’ do we? We ain’t liberals or homosexuals or nothin’ funny like that. But it’s all fair in the forest, hey?
Bob: Yes Monty, we are so pleased women are venturing into the wilderness thrilling to the kill! Ladies make good hunters, it’s like going to the grocery store and fur boutique in one afternoon.
Monty: Heck yeah, once those ladies start imaginin’ them rabbits as a pair a boots, there’s nothin’ in Hell that’ll stop them from slayin’ those little critters all day! I can barely keep up huntin’ with ma sister Mabel when she’s hankerin’ for a new wardrobe.
Bob: Too right, Monty! Anyway, this lady has stolen our hearts, after ripping out the heart of the biggest beast of all! She is the first woman ever to kill-wait for it-an African elephant… with a bow and arrow! Just think of the skill required to find and hunt down a cunning wild animal like a six ton, 12 ft high elephant!
Monty: Yep, them elephants are stealthy critters, ain’t they? Nice to see a young lady doin’ somthin for the environment other than doin’ them those borin’ old walks for peace, an’ cleanin’ up oil spills with tofu or whatever it is them ladies do.
That’s beautiful photo, Bob. Makes ya feel like a man, if you know what I’m talkin’ about. I’d love to get ma mitts on that sexy hot flesh, fer sure. My mouth’s getting’ all wet just thinkin’ about it.
Bob: I don’t think that’s an appropriate comment about the nice lady, Monty.
Monty: The lady? Oh yeah, that’s what I was lookin’ at. Anyways, well done little Miss! I’m hoping next time she’ll go for somethin’ really challengin’, like a polar bear or panda. I’d like to have me some sweet an’ sour panda one day, once them vegan environmentalists quit yappin’.
Ohh, my chute’s gettin’ wet again. Hey Bob, start up that barbeque, I need to get some pork into me to calm me down here! See y’all next time for another Meat Beat!