Greenland - It's allwhite by me!

Chelle B. of Offended Blogger and Humorbloggers fame has started a campaign to Save Greenland. She is attempting to haul Greenland into the 21st century (or at least the 20th) by drawing international attention to the country’s lack of internet access, hot women, nail bars and Dairy Queen restaurants. Or something like that.

In my attempt to help the cause, I’ve spent literally minutes searching the internet for fascinating facts about this frigid land. I couldn’t find any, so I’ve made some up instead.

Vees way fur die free hookers! Unt all ve frozen prawns ur kan eat!1. Greenland was discovered by Viking explorer Erik the Red. Being ginger-haired, Erik didn’t have many friends, so he encouraged folks to immigrate to his new land by giving it an appealing name. The new inhabitants of Freewhoreland were to be disappointed.

2. Many wars have been fought over Greenland as countries have attempted to palm it off onto their enemies. Norway tricked the Nazis into annexing it during WWII. Hitler was so enraged he ordered the Luftwaffe to bomb Greenland out of existence.

Unfortunately the Luftwaffe couldn’t be bothered and dropped their payload on England instead, leading to an escalation of the war and many more years of misery. Thanks for nothing, Greenland!

3. The Queen of Greenland is Denmark’s Margrethe II, but she doesn’t like to talk about it.

4. The Greenlandic alphabet consists of only the letters Q, L and T. By law, every word must contain a Q. Interestingly, the letter B is banned due to its similarity to a pert pair of breasts.

Frozen shrimp! Yummy, sucky, Greenlandy!5. Greenland’s national dish is frozen prawns. No cooking time required, simply pop an icy prawn in your mouth and suck until its little head pops off. Mmm, shrimpy.

6. Greenland’s capital Qptqqtl is both the world’s smallest and largest city! Every summer the ice sheet it sits on breaks up, and parts of the city drift hundreds of miles into the Atlantic. It is believed one part of Qptqqtl is now a suburb of Boston.

7. Greenland’s main exports are ice cubes, huskies and parts of Qptqqtl.

Rut-Rohh.8. The Greenland national anthem, Qppt! Qlt! (roughly translated as Fuck Me, It’s Cold) goes like this:

Oh, the endless piles of snow
It’s the iceberg we call home.
We have everything we need
Except free whores, sun and weed.

We’d love to move to other lands
With their palm trees, sun and sand
We’d rather suck a husky’s cock
Than be men of Greenland stock.

It must bring a tear to every Greenlander’s eye.

9. Christmas day can be traumatic for Greenland’s gadget lovers. Because there are no trees on Greenland, locals have to put their presents under a large pile of snow. Great if you’ve asked Santa for a box of frozen prawns, not so good if you requested a Playstation.

10. With the onset of global warming, Greenland may disappear completely within 20 years. Oh well.

I’d love to donate to the campaign to “Bring tomorrow to yesterday’s Greenland today”, but to be honest I can’t be arsed. Good luck Chelle!

Support the cuase! Save Greenland! From something or other.

Show your support for Greenland by clicking the happy face at!


19 Responses to “10 Things You Didn’t Know About… Greenland”

I have never been to a place that had no hot women..surely to God there must be one or two..:))

I would tell Robert that he can find a hot girl in Greenland as long as he wears beer googles, but since the letter B is outlawed there, I don’t know what you’d call them.

“Bring tomorrow to yesterday’s Greenland today” is sheer genius. That should be our motto!

WOW! I feel so inspired now. I think I may be making some land investments there. With *cough* global warming *cough* I figure that place will be the next go grab you piece of land while it is cheap!!!

Loved the National Anthem!

LOL! Genius!
Thank you for educating me on Greenland! I never knew most of that stuff! : )

I’ll be singing the Greenland anthem all day!!

Enter the enraged Greenlander trolls outraged by your misinformation campaign…

Oh wait. No nevermind, they don’t have Internet access in Greenland. Unless it’s wireless that one broken-off bit is stealing from Boston…

I now know more about Greenland than the average person. Thanks, Tiggy.

I think Sarah Palin tried to run for govenor of Greenland, but someone had to tell her that it’s not a part of the United States.

you can all mock!

but remember this, without Greenland you’d have no ice and without ice you’d have warm gin and tonics!
Without Huskies ladies you’d have no Ugg booties and gentlemen, after a good night out on the lash where would you be without a drunken stumble into Kentuky Fried Huskie!

Dsiclamier – I am not from Greenland, thank God I did however once go to a fancy dress party as a Viking so feel I should defend them

qqqltltlqlt qltlqt qltqlllqtt tlqtl ttl tlqtql.
tlqtlqt…tqltlq tlqtll llt tlqqqtlq.

qlq qlq qlq

qltqlt tltltltqq tlqttltlql tlqttlqlql tlqtlqtql tlt qqt


Robert: Hot Greenland chicks are like life on Mars. We assume it’s there but have yet to find it.

Kathcom: I’m not even sure they have beer in Greenland. How awful!

Hussy: The next Florida? I admire your optimism. However, there’s no way those old snowbirds can drive their massive RVs to Greenland, so it may have potential…

Kirsten: It’s all part of the service.

Jeff: Thanks! But perhaps sing the second verse quietly.

Jenn: So far, I’ve had no outraged visits from either Greenland or Boston, so I assume all that I wrote was mainly true?

Joe: Yes, those poor average people! We can now rise above them.

Starcasm: A mere technicality! I think she’d be perfect for the job. Big expanse of nothing to run, lots of cute animals to shoot at…

RLD: So that’s where Ugg boots come from! I thought they smelled a bit, you know, doggy.

C Fraser: Wash your Greenlandic mouth out! That is no place for a frozen prawn. I am shocked.

You know, now that I have conquered Greenland I expect to have a city named after me there. Of course I will have to change my name to Rpwpfjg to stand a chance, but still… :p

Chelle’s campaign may be noble and she may have all of you writing these lovely Greenlandic posts. But in my heart of hearts, I can honestly say, “I had Greenland first, biatch.” πŸ˜‰

Okay, that emotical blows. I’ll just change it to πŸ˜† which roughly translates into, “Greenland rules k? They’re my homiez n’ shit.”

Oh, that song brought a tear to my eye. Just thinking of all those Greenlanders with no weed or whores makes me want to do whatever I can to HELP GREENLAND! Now, point me in the direction of the frozen prawn aisle.

“The Greenland national anthem, Qppt! Qlt! (roughly translated as Fuck Me, It’s Cold)”

My God, Tiggy. You’ve outdone yourself. A truly awesome post.

Chelle: Today Greenland, tomorrow Cuba, next week… Iceland? I hear it’s going cheap.

Qelqoth: Credit where credit’s due sir, you have first dibs on Greenland. And you’re welcome to it!

JD: In the land of no weed, it’s a bit ironic to call it ‘Greenland’. And if your local store doesn’t stock Greenlandic prawns, protest. Write letters. Set fire to something.

Margaret: Why thank you. I shall be totally underdoing myself from now on.

But is Greenland a continent?

(Careful it’s a trick question…)


I never knew that about Greenland, thanks Tiggy! πŸ˜‰

Something to say?

Prove you're not a bot: *