Breaking news from CBC:

Halt! It's the Special Sausage Squad!“LONGMONT, Colo.
Authorities in Colorado say a man claiming to be a police detective asked an adult novelty shop to give him free X-rated videos, saying he wanted to make sure the performers weren’t underage.

Authorities said Monday that the man showed a badge and left a business card from the Longmont, Colo.. police “age verification unit.”
Longmont police Cmdr. Tim Lewis says there is no such unit.”

This story got me thinking, First of all, has this smut-starved scammer never heard of the internet? Secondly, how many fake inspectors are out there, fooling gullible shopkeepers and making a mockery of the law? I wonder what other career opportunities are available for fake inspectors.

These scams could just work… but probably won’t. Don’t try these at the store.

Government Cocktail Standards Inspector – During a Friday evening spot check, bar staff would be put through their paces to ensure correct measures are being used and mojitos contain federally-approved quantities of mint. It’s in the drinking public’s interest! Now give me a White Russian or I’m shutting the place down.

Free din-dins for Fido!Dog’s Dinner Inspector – If you can’t afford your faithful hound’s pet food, simply dress him up in snazzy police dog garb and head down to LolPets R Us with a warrant to search for poisonous fake dog food! Send Fido on a mission to selflessly test as many bags of Chick’n Chow and meaty bones he can snuffle out. Good boy! If you only have a hamster or goldfish, this scam could be tricky.

Special Sausage Squad – Avert a public health disaster on sunny weekend afternoons by seizing “defective” meat products from your local store. Heroically swipe tainted steaks and BBQ sausages before they are consumed by innocent partygoers! Rush them back to the Police HQ Forensic Lab (conveniently located on your garden patio) for immediate basting, I mean testing.

Let's shop!Nuclear Contamination Inspector – Left shopping for your kids’ Christmas presents to the last minute? Disperse those gift-grabbing shoppers and make sure you get that Transformo-Zomboid or Teeny Slut doll! Simply issue a warrant to search the toy store for weapons grade uranium. Of course that’s where Saddam was hiding his weapons of mass destruction – he was sneaky that way!

Infectious Disease Inspector – Eww! Don’t want to touch that gym equipment after those sweaty musclemen have been perspiring all over it? Simply present your fake inspector’s card and declare that a patient from the Gross Tropical Diseases Clinic has collapsed on the treadmill – looks like contagious Nantucket Jungle Fever! The whole gym will have to be scrubbed down with disinfectant. And the young ladies in the yoga class will have to remove their clothing for incineration. Immediately.

Store clerks – be on your guard for fake inspectors and pretend police! The next time an inspector in a white radiation protection suit or armed SWAT team burst through the door, simply ask them to leave! They’re probably only after free cakes or something. And those guys with the pretend cop cars and guns demanding you “put down the beer and pull over to the kerb…” yeah, right…

The Age Verification Unit is recruiting over at Humor-Blogs.com


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15 Responses to “This Is A Bust! Fake Porn Inspectors and Other Stupid Scams”

holy moly porn guy IS pathetic. however, i would like to apply for the cocktail inspector. i can start immediately.

I routinely insist on inspecting the last 25% of the Scotch bottle for Horizontally Indexed Quality Control.

But then my wife figured out that I was lying.

Lolpets R Us! 🙂

Hmmm…this gives me some ideas…nah, better not share 🙂

So are you trying to tell me that the Ice Cream Inspector was a fraud! DAMN IT!

Love the pic of the dog food police. 🙂

I’m heading right to Trampoline World to ensure that the trampolines can suport 2 nubile 20 year old women.
Safety first is our motto.

I guess I shouldn’t be letting that guy in my house any more! Thanks for the tip!

Chat: A deal! We can work as a team. Do you want to be good cocktail cop or bad booze cop?

SinisterDan: So who stole the first 75%? You’re slipping there, officer.

Jeff: Take this small fluffy kitten, I’m assigning you to kitty litter duty.

Chelle: You can share here! No-one’s reading it. Honest.

Julie: Yes. And the Whipped Cream Detection Unit were having you on too!

Joe: You be careful out there, officer. Those springs bloody well hurt if you fall on them the wrong way.

Kirsten: Well it depends what he was inspecting… was he hot?

Great. Way to go. Now I’ll be doing my Christmas shopping with 400 screaming idiots in chemical suits.

Well, the hamster ploy might work– but it’s going to be hard to find a badge teeny enough…

ha ha ha! I never thought of being an “inspector” before!!

I once saw a college kid wearing an FBI (Federal Booty Inspector) T-shirt. I have my doubts on that one.

Damon: Sorry about that. Maybe you should try it this weekend, and send us the pictures!

Jenn: Aww! That would be too cute. Mind you, the little bugger would only try and gnaw on it.

Stephanie: It’s a whole new world of career opportunities! Glad I could help.

Acorn King: You think that’s a fake? Oh heck.

The Sausage Inspector was here this week! He took Dave’s bratwursts right outta the crockpot. I thought it strange that he also took the buns, mustard, and relish, but I didn’t think to question him. He looked so authoritative.

How about official food taster/food critic for a magazine? You go into any restaurant, and tell them that and order the most expensive outrageous things on the menu. I bet they bring it right out no check attached. LOL 😉

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