If It Moves, Tax It!
Governments are always trying to think up sneaky ways to tax us. Here are some things that annoy me. I think they should be taxed more.
Crocs Tax
I nearly bought a pair of these hideous plastic things once. In theory Crocs are a good idea – you can get them wet and are perfect for the beach! Fortunately, my fashion sense beat back all rational thoughts and I managed to escape the store empty-handed. Phew!
Free Form Jazz Tax
Now I like a good tune as much as anyone. But free form jazz sounds like an orchestra being fed into a crushing machine. It confuses my brain and makes me cry. I sometimes think they play it in trendy furniture stores just to get rid of me.
Tax on the Phrase “Going Forward”
Next time your boss uses this phrase in a meeting, thump him. It’s for his own good. If your boss is a lady, don’t worry as ladies don’t say that sort of thing. If your boss is a lady and uses that phrase, she is really a man in disguise, so feel free to thump her/him. Then call the tax office and squeal.
Cat Tax
This umbrella tax covers Cat Poo Tax, Cat Piss Tax, Cat Ingesting Baby Sparrow Tax and I Only Bought A Cat So I Could Take Amusing Pictures Of It And Post Them On The Internet Tax.
Irritating Receptionist Voice Tax
“Good morning, TwatCorp – how can I direct your call?” squeaks that irritating high-pitched voice on the other end of the phone. Have you noticed how receptionists always sound slightly sarcastic? They don’t really want you to have a good day, TwatCorp can go suck it and it doesn’t matter who you want to speak to because they are going to cut you off in three seconds. All receptionists should be taxed out of existence and replaced with Steven Hawking.
Terrible TV Tax
Oh hang on, I think we already have that one. It’s called ‘Cable Subscription’.
Facebook Tax
Maybe not a popular tax, but if Facebook was taxed I may think twice about spending hours poking friends, sending pretend cocktails to people I don’t know and taking “What Colour Spacehopper Are You?” quizzes.
And as for Twitter…
Tacky Fake Tits Tax
Ladies who show off their man-made mammaries because they think they look sexy should be slapped with a huge tax, or at least compensate the rest of us for visual tit trauma. You’d think boffins would come up with fake tit implants that actually look like real breasts. They spend enough time on the internet looking at them.
Are there any other products or services you would like to see a huge tax slapped on? (Please note: suggestions including Ginger Tax, Fat Arse Tax and Canadian Blog Tax may result in you being banned from Tiggyblog.)
If it moves, they tax it, eh? Well, over here, they’re not as picky. They tax the stationary objects just as enthusiastically as everything else. They’re not discriminating, that way. Equal opportunity taxists.
I’ve checked the list twice now. Good thing is, none of the taxes you’ve proposed would affect me. Well, maybe Facebook tax will affect me to a certain extent… But then again, I’m too young and inactive to be taxed.
But don’t give them too many ideas. When they put tax on laughing, we’re gonna be pretty up against a wall at humorbloggers.com, you know.
Stupid sports fan tax: The Leafs have so many people at games that pay hundreds of dollars not to pay attention (though they’re not missed much lately). They should be taxed for wasting a good seat.
Crappy song on the radio tax: I’m sure I’m not the only one who spends most of their time changing stations looking for a half-way decent song.
chowner’s last blog post..Guidelines, and other observations, you’ll find helpful when the time comes to compose your next “It’s not me, it’s you” mixtape.
Smackers. Nothing ruins a meal more for me than listening to someone else eat theirs. SMACK TAX!!!
Douglas’s last blog post..5 Photo Captions – Yelling Sri Lankan
* raising hand to volunteer as Fake Boob Tax Collector.
moooooog35’s last blog post..The Shit I Learn – Marriage Edition
A tax on skinny girls who can eat what they like!
Tiggy for prime minister!
Teenagers that say “like” tax. That should clear up the federal deficit in about a day or so…
VE’s last blog post..Who in the Hell Actually Puts a Suit in a Suitcase?
Visual tit tax. That’s great. I totally think those tits are real though.
I mean, look at the way they stand at attention and have a mile wide gap in between the boobage.
Someone needs to beat the crap out of their plastic surgeon.
I hate the sound that people make when they eat apples, its like a chomping sound. Tax that! Soup eating, slurp, slurp. Yeah, tax on food noises.
I’m terrified to say anything in case I get banned ….. you’ve already stymied me on several suggestions …..
Daddy Papersurfer’s last blog post..BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT – THE APPRENTICE
People who fling their car door wide open into busy streets tax. I’ve nearly taken a few doors off because people seem to think their car is an extension of their yard which is an extension of their house.
I think a tax would keep the doors a little less free and loose.
Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..No Vampirization without Caffeination
*saves piture of the fradulant breasts to harddrive*
Tax the mess out of everything else, I don’t care.
C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Do me a favor
I’m all for taxing Facebook. In fact, I would be in favor of taxing the damn tax, and I despise taxes. Except those levied on Facebook…
RedRaider’s last blog post..I’m Even Dumber Than A Rubik’s Cube
I’ve come here several times intending to post a comment with another tax you should add, but I keep fixating on that last picture. Then my mind goes blank. Sorry, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say again, but I’m sure it was brilliant.
Joel Klebanoff’s last blog post..Comment Error
As part of the economic bailout initiative we need a tax on any sentence that uses both “Wall Street” and “Main Street.” Ummmm, let’s see – how about a tax on any blog that uses either “just another,” “ramblings” or “musings.” And you will be required to give a lifetime of service to the government (without pay) if you start a blog called “Just Another Blog Of Ramblings And Musings.” And definitely a pet apparel tax!
Love the necklace with the cross on Boobie-Queen! Makes you wonder WWJD if he saw those boobs. I think there should be a tax on people wearing crosses with skimpy outfits. Not being of the Christian persuasion and being too plump to wear skimpy outfits myself, I think I’m safe from that tax. But, wait! That leads me to another tax… on people over 200 pounds who wear skimpy outfits!
Larew’s last blog post..Birthday Greetings!
I totally agree about the free form jazz thing. It’s not music; it’s noise.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Array of Anathemas
How ’bout Birkenstocks to add to the crocs tax in a combo ‘stocks and crocs tax?
-People who say ‘it’s important to remember they’re not a monolithic group’
-the phrase ‘closer to home now’, as a bizarre transitional phrase on the 6 O’clock news. ‘580 people are presumed dead or missing. Closer to home now, the Chatham Kent school board is meeting to determien the fate of new trustee spending allowances’
-Coldplay tax–Whenever their cliched bawlings are played anywhere.
thesharkguys’s last blog post..Signs Signs Everywhere Signs