Authorities in Colorado say a man claiming to be a police detective asked an adult novelty shop to give him free X-rated videos, saying he wanted to make sure the performers weren’t underage.
Authorities said Monday that the man showed a badge and left a business card from the Longmont, Colo.. police “age verification unit.”
Longmont police Cmdr. Tim Lewis says there is no such unit.”
This story got me thinking, First of all, has this smut-starved scammer never heard of the internet? Secondly, how many fake inspectors are out there, fooling gullible shopkeepers and making a mockery of the law? I wonder what other career opportunities are available for fake inspectors.
These scams could just work… but probably won’t. Don’t try these at the store.
Government Cocktail Standards Inspector – During a Friday evening spot check, bar staff would be put through their paces to ensure correct measures are being used and mojitos contain federally-approved quantities of mint. It’s in the drinking public’s interest! Now give me a White Russian or I’m shutting the place down.
Dog’s Dinner Inspector – If you can’t afford your faithful hound’s pet food, simply dress him up in snazzy police dog garb and head down to LolPets R Us with a warrant to search for poisonous fake dog food! Send Fido on a mission to selflessly test as many bags of Chick’n Chow and meaty bones he can snuffle out. Good boy! If you only have a hamster or goldfish, this scam could be tricky.
Special Sausage Squad – Avert a public health disaster on sunny weekend afternoons by seizing “defective” meat products from your local store. Heroically swipe tainted steaks and BBQ sausages before they are consumed by innocent partygoers! Rush them back to the Police HQ Forensic Lab (conveniently located on your garden patio) for immediate basting, I mean testing.
Nuclear Contamination Inspector – Left shopping for your kids’ Christmas presents to the last minute? Disperse those gift-grabbing shoppers and make sure you get that Transformo-Zomboid or Teeny Slut doll! Simply issue a warrant to search the toy store for weapons grade uranium. Of course that’s where Saddam was hiding his weapons of mass destruction – he was sneaky that way!
Infectious Disease Inspector – Eww! Don’t want to touch that gym equipment after those sweaty musclemen have been perspiring all over it? Simply present your fake inspector’s card and declare that a patient from the Gross Tropical Diseases Clinic has collapsed on the treadmill – looks like contagious Nantucket Jungle Fever! The whole gym will have to be scrubbed down with disinfectant. And the young ladies in the yoga class will have to remove their clothing for incineration. Immediately.
Store clerks – be on your guard for fake inspectors and pretend police! The next time an inspector in a white radiation protection suit or armed SWAT team burst through the door, simply ask them to leave! They’re probably only after free cakes or something. And those guys with the pretend cop cars and guns demanding you “put down the beer and pull over to the kerb…” yeah, right…
The Age Verification Unit is recruiting over at Humor-Blogs.com