Tiggy Dreams of Hamster
Dreams do come true, they say. I hope not. I keep having a recurring dream about dating diminutive Top Gear presenter Richard “Hamster” Hammond. I have no idea why. I’m sure he’s a lovely chap and all, but I don’t exactly lust after him during my waking hours.
Strangely enough, this budding bedtime romance is going rather well. Richard and I have been on a number of dreamy dates and shared a romantic dinner together (I must point out he is always a perfect gentleman and keeps his hands to himself). But why Richard Hammond? I really can’t explain my brain’s logic. I suppose it could be much worse – my unconscious mind could one night confuse him with
Richard Simmons
Richard III
or Keith Richards.
That would be very wrong.
Trouble is, I’m worried where this nocturnal relationship is heading. Everything is going so well, I just know he’s going to dump me. I’m reluctant to go to sleep because I know one night I’m going to hit the pillow and hear “Tiggy, I really like you, but…” Oh, pretend imaginary Richard, how could you do this to me?
I should dream up a plan of revenge. I will attempt to make Richard jealous by secretly dating Top Gear co-presenter Jeremy Clarkson. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. Jeremy is much taller and can probably drive faster. That will teach Hamster to play with my dreams!
Knowing how my dreams usually end, Jeremy will probably turn into a huge beetle, eat the Eiffel tower and I’ll end up hitchhiking naked around the Paris Ring Road. And then all my teeth will fall out.
I can’t avoid sleep and my Hamster forever, so I better prepare for the worst. Providing Richard Simmons doesn’t make a nightmarish appearance, I might be able to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and soldier on until morning.
And I must remember never to watch Top Gear before bedtime…
Awww I thought this was about me?!? Ya got my hopes up….
This other Hamster guy can take a hike, lol.
OMG, this made me laugh so hard! OK, which hairstyle do you like better: the spiky boy-racer of years past, or the new just-rolled-out-of-bed Bon Jovi-ish hair?
Oh, no! You and the Hamster seem like such a nice couple. Maybe playing a little hard to get will do the trick…
I think I’d prefer losing my teeth to rejection. He’s not too bad-looking, is he? He’d make a lovely beetle.
he really does look like a hamster. Still beats the hell out of the other three Richard guys you posted.
You crack me up, LOL. I love the way your dreams end … sounds like a fine idea for a summer block buster.
MC: Sorry about that… you’re not related, by any chance?
Kari: I must admit, I’m not loving the long-haired look. I may have a delicate word with him. Do you think he’s having some sort of hair-growing competiton with other Top Gear bloke James May?
Sheasy: Lol, well I suppose we are the same height…
JD: You’re right, I was always getting rejected by boys, even my dreams are cruel. Sob. Bastard brain!
Sully: I am now afraid the other three will somehow become entangled into my dream. Especially if Richard Simmons in lying naked in a pile of vegetables.. oh, too horrible!
Drowsey: Yes! Another movie idea for me to tout. Seeing as how well my ‘Cock Whisperer’ pitch did…
Well I tried and tried and tried some more to think of a Richard that would have more of an ick factor than Keith Richards, but alas all I could think of was King Richard’s dead corpse.
They probably look very similar. :/
You know what you could do…on the next date that you think Richard is about to dump you, quick – pinch yourself and wake up. You’ll disappear before his very eyes, wondering what happened. It will totally freak him out. THAT will teach him to play with your heart like that.
– Margaret
offendedblogger: I believe Richard Gere has the ick factor you are looking for– we all know what he does to hamsters…
Ah, good ol’ Richard Hammond. Well, he isn’t tall, but he does sorta have a very-short-David Tennant thing going on. How bad can that be? 🙂 And hey, if you were dreaming of Jeremy Clarkson, now THEN I would worry. 🙂
Offended: I’m sorry I forced your brain to venture down that dark path.
Margaret: I shall follow your advice. Sadly, the past few nights Richard has been absent from my dreams… I think it may be too late…
Roastfrog: I don’t dare Google “Richard+Gere+hamsters” because I may not like what I see.
Jenn: Richard Hammond and David Tennant? Ooooh, what a cosy evening in that would be. Jeremy would have to wait outside. 😉