Tag: sexy

Cheap Cialis

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The Hard Sell

What is it with comment spammers? Every day I find a gazillion messages in my blog comment box like “I love yur blog! Cheap Cialis!”, “I think that is very interesting point but whorecum CHEAP VIAGRA Britney naked,” or “Tiggy, if you contact me again I’m calling the cops, I mean it.” Goddam spammers.

Anyway, all this spam got me thinking. There must be a reason my blog is constantly targeted by these erectile dysfunction pill pushers. Do they know something about my readership I don’t? Am I missing a marketing opportunity myself? Fortunately, my mate Sparky knows someone who knows someone who works in a lab…

*Cue sappy music*

Gentlemen! Is your little buddy letting you down? Is your once-mighty porker softer than a sausage in a sweat box? Does your wife seem to be buying more cucumbers these days?

New from TiggyLabs, Dartmouth, Switzerland… COCKANOL®, a breakthrough in male erectile dysfunctional treatment! Just one pill a day, and your miniscule meat muppet will be transformed into a mighty muscular muff magnet! Sort of.

Cockanol - It's top of the Cocks!

Just see what our very satisfied customers are saying!

* I used to be a laughing stock in the bedroom. With COCKANOL®, I’m no longer a pathetic Jizz Jester, but King of the Cocks!

* My wife can’t get enough… And neither can her sister! Or the nanny! Or the guys at the boxing club! Thanks, COCKANOL®!

* I’m typing this with my tongue because my hands are too busy. Thanks, COCKANOL®!

* It won’t go down. Please make it stop.

Side-effects include hiccups, uncomfortable pants, and restraining orders. For erections lasting over three weeks, rub affected area with COCKSTOP ® gel and contact Tiggy Labs immediately. I’ll be right over.


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Tiggy’s Sexy Hugh Laurie Anecdote

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Hugh Laurie... ahh, the memories.The time has come, dear readers, for me to share my Hugh Laurie anecdote. When I was 15, me and my friend Sarah saw him NAKED. Well… ok, he was wearing underpants. But they were very tight underpants.

Beads of sweat trickled down Hugh’s manly chest and his sky-blue eyes glistened in the gloom.
“Oh, Hugh!” I sighed.
“Come here, big boy!” drooled Sarah
“Oooooh!” swooned the other 1,200 people sitting in the theatre.

Well… ok, we were watching Hugh in a West End play. Maybe not the intimate encounter I would have liked, but at least Sarah and I had the best seats in the house! We were so close to the stage we could practically lick him. I’m sure Hugh could feel the love emanating from our hot young bodies as he bound towards us in all his manly glory.

Hugh performing on stage in his smalls was, for us, the female equivalent of visiting a strip club. We learned a lot about the wonder of womanhood that afternoon, I tell you! Mmmm, damp.
Mr. Laurie has a new legion of female fans since House took over every TV channel in the galaxy. Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I forget the good doctor is a fictional character…

The doctor will see you now... but not THIS one.Does this ever happen to you? You go to the doctor with a bizarre mystery illness which is a bit like Lupus but isn’t Lupus. You secretly hope you’ll get referred to the crotchety blue-eyed hunk for an intensive course of hands-on treatment. Dr. House may even need to treat you wearing just his underwear! It will be worth bleeding from every orifice just to get an anal probe from Dr. Sexy.

Unfortunately, by the time you’re laying on the examination table with your naked bum in the air, you remember Dr. House isn’t real. Instead, you end up getting prodded by a burly Russian with a white coat and hairy hands, who studied medicine while awaiting his murder trial. There’s no House in this doctor.

Just me then? Oh well. At least I didn’t have Lupus.


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Tiggy’s Hit Parade – By Request Only

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Music fans! Looking to bang, I mean, romance that special someone with a selection of sweet, sticky love songs? Check out this month’s sexy Hit Parade!

(Unfortunately, Tiggy doesn’t possess a turntable or any musical knowledge, so all reviews are entirely fictional).

Oh! I think I just came.

2. By Request Only – Ken

Oh Ken, be my ginger Valentine!

Ladies, one at a time! Immaculately groomed Ken will set female hearts a-fluttering with this hot collection of sultry love songs, just in time for Valentine’s Day!

I’m going to sleep with this record under my pillow and dream about Ken’s silky voice churning out hits including:

* Lovely Lady Lover Love

* My Hair, Your Place

* Senior Home Romeo

* I Love Your Lady Love

* My Love, Your Face

* Stop Calling Me (Angelina Jolie)

I dream of running my fingers through his thick gingery hair and feeling the prickle of his tangerine ‘tashe on my…

Next time on Hit Parade – The chutney one I was supposed to do this month. Lol.


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Oh-Oh-Obama! The World’s Hottest Presidents

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Barack Huuurrrrr Obama!On 20th January 2009, the world will witness an American first. The first President of the United States who is… hot, hot, HOT!

After years of electing crusty-faced old wrinklies, the American voting public has finally seen sense – after seeing that body!

Barack Obama is possibly the world’s first PILF (a bit like a MILF, but with nukes). But are there other contenders for the title of President of Pwoahh?

* * * * *

Vladimir Putin - Ruskie Romeo?Vladimir Putin – Russia
Who wouldn’t like to be impaled by this Vlad? The smooth-talking Russian is technically Prime Minister, but we know this Leningrad lovely is really running the show! Petite Vlad makes up for his small stature by pumping away on his Bowflexski home gym, then working up a sweat in his Judo jammies!

Just imagine the fun you’ll have as Vlad whisks you away for a romantic weekend survival course in the Ural Mountains. Swoon as he hunts deer with his bare hands! Watch his muscles strain as he turns off another gas pipeline to Ukraine!
Oooh, speak Russian to me and promise not to tap my phone, big boy!

* * * * *

Mahmoud. All man.Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – Iran
The name’s Ahmadinejad… Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! Manly Mahmoud models himself as Iran’s very own 007 – but he’s loads better than that western-capitalist-pig-dog-infidel James Bond!

With his dashing good looks and stylish jackets, Ahmadinejad lives in an exciting world of intrigue, daring spy missions and stealthy gadgets (like long-range nuclear missiles).

After a hard day pissing off the West, Mahmoud likes to retire to his Tehran bunker with his bevy of burkha-clad babes. He likes his mint tea shaken, not stirred! Otherwise he’ll break your legs.

* * * * *

King of Bling Jammeh!Yahya Jammah – The Gambia
If you’re looking for hot love in the wilds of Africa, say “Yah!” to Gambian nutjob, I mean president, Yahya Jammah! He’ll sweep you off your feet with a ride in his presidential tank while touring his kingdom, I mean constituency.

After a sumptuous banquet lunch (what poverty?) and an enjoyable afternoon spent falsifying election ballots, retire to his palace gardens for a relaxing game of Hunt the Homosexual. Don’t forget to pack your favourite machine gun and a few million dollars of aid. Rarrrrr!

* * * * *

Stephen Harper - sorry girls, he's married!Stephen Harper – Canada
Canada is famous for its cute men. So who better to lead the country than cuddly Conservative PM Stephen Harper? With his timeless ‘JFK’ haircut and adorable pudgy face, who could resist this Canadian bacon for breakfast?

Snuggle up to Steve’s famous fluffy sweater as he plays a medley of family-friendly Beatles hits on his piano. But not those nasty songs about drugs and sex – drugs and sex are EVIL and UNGODLY! Everything in Steve’s world is nice and cuddly. Apart from those nasty stinking oil sands, but let’s not worry about that, eh?
Look, fluffy sweater!

* * * * *

It looks like Obama will be holding onto his PILF crown for a long time yet. Are there any world leaders you would like to have intimate relations with? Or does the very thought make you feel queasy and rather violent? Tell Tiggy!


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