Tag: spoof

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Pizza-O-Torium

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Goodbye Fido, hello Margarita!

Do you love PIZZA? Do you want to make some extra CASH? Of course you do! Simply install an authentic Italian hand-crafted Pizza-O-Torium in your garden – it’s two small businesses in one!

* Set up your own pizza business by delivering fresh wood-fired pizzas to your neighbours! Keep costs down by hiring young children with bicycles to deliver your tasty pies – their ignorance of employment laws will save you $$$!

* Give family pets the send-off they deserve by offering grieving families a “Pets-Away” cremation service with your fiery furnace. As a treat for tearful kiddies, throw them a pizza party after they say goodbye to Fluffy!*

*Pizza-O-Torium is only suitable for hamsters, cats, and spaniels. Larger animals may require prior disassembly before cremation.


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Tiggy’s Hit Parade – Hot Muffins with Country Church

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Music fans! Need to brighten up your miserable existence with a jolly jig or a dollop of jizzy jazz? Thank the Lord for Tiggy’s Hit Parade!

(Unfortunately, Tiggy doesn’t possess a turntable or any musical knowledge, so all reviews are entirely fictional).

Get jiggy with it!

3. Country Church

HP - COUNTRY CHURCH

You wanted an album jam-packed with ditties about grain farmers, fruit chutney and Jesus? You got it! This folk four-piece from the Prairies were hit headliners at the 1988 Saskatoon Festival of Music and Meat. Wholesome hits include:

* Taste My Muffins at the County Fayre

* The Cock Doth Rise Early In the Morn

* Foursome for the Lord

* Jesus Died So I Could Jig

* I Love to Bang (The Drum of Peace)

They should fill a sizeable slot on Nice Fluffy Family Happy Funtime with their holy hollering. Thanks to Worst Album Covers for their toppermost of the poppermost record collection.

Next Time on Hit Parade – A tuneful treat for your gay pet!


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Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – X- Jangle Magic Cure-All Bracelet!

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It's Magic! Probably.

How many times have you prayed for some kind of expensive copper bracelet that would cure all your ailments? Looks like the Big Guy answered your prayers with the simply magical X-Jangle! Made from a rare copper open-cast mined at a sacred Bolivian burial ground, this medical miracle will cure most known illnesses including:

* Itchy Piles
* Bad Hair
* Questionable Personal Hygiene
* Poor Spelling
* Rickets, Rabies and Dry Rot

You will probably live forever* as the X-Jangle shields you from viruses, pollution and even bullets, just like Wonder Woman’s bracelets did! The X-Jangle can be yours for only 24 payments of just $65 (plus taxes, shipping, handling, convenience fee, insurance, convenience fee insurance, insurance handling insurance and $100 administration charge).

* Excluding factors including diet, age, income, genetic predisposition, luck and whether God actually hates you.


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Tiggy’s Hit Parade – By Request Only

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Music fans! Looking to bang, I mean, romance that special someone with a selection of sweet, sticky love songs? Check out this month’s sexy Hit Parade!

(Unfortunately, Tiggy doesn’t possess a turntable or any musical knowledge, so all reviews are entirely fictional).

Oh! I think I just came.

2. By Request Only – Ken

Oh Ken, be my ginger Valentine!

Ladies, one at a time! Immaculately groomed Ken will set female hearts a-fluttering with this hot collection of sultry love songs, just in time for Valentine’s Day!

I’m going to sleep with this record under my pillow and dream about Ken’s silky voice churning out hits including:

* Lovely Lady Lover Love

* My Hair, Your Place

* Senior Home Romeo

* I Love Your Lady Love

* My Love, Your Face

* Stop Calling Me (Angelina Jolie)

I dream of running my fingers through his thick gingery hair and feeling the prickle of his tangerine ‘tashe on my…

Next time on Hit Parade – The chutney one I was supposed to do this month. Lol.


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