Tag: Shopping Bizarre

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Diet Water

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Diet water! No, really!

We all know how hard it is to diet – trying to lose those hanging rolls of repulsive flab can seem like an impossible feat! Fortunately those svelte Japanese boffins have invented an incredible new weight loss weapon – Diet Water! It’s fat-tastic!

According to our calculations, regular water contains zero calories, so this magical mineral water must contain minus 50 calories, or something like that! Drink Diet Water and you are actually LOSING weight! Or something like that!*

* Enjoy all those forbidden foods including burgers, pepperoni and lard sandwiches – Diet Water will wash those fatty calories right out your system and replace them with negative calories, somehow! Save up your negative calories as credits towards your next uncontrolled McBinge session!

* Need to squeeze yourself into that wedding dress or manly beach thong? Simply consume nothing but Diet Water for just ONE WEEK and you could flush away up to 2lbs of disgusting body fat!*

* According to our calculations, assuming a margin of error of approx 98%.

It's flab-tastic!



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The King of Pap is Dead

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Billy Mays. Gone!

Yes folks, in most possibly the worst news of the week, Tiggy is sad to report that the King of questionable TV infomercials, Billy “HI, I’M BILLY MAYS!” Mays has shuffled off this mortal coil, and will now be flogging OxiClean in a better place. Why do the loudest have to die so young?

Thanks for the endless comedy material Billy, rest in peace. Sorry, REST IN PEACE.

🙁


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Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Sticky Butter Butter Stick

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It's butterly friggin' brilliant!

Gourmet chefs! Working up a sweat to earn another Michelin star for your restaurant? Too busy sculpting carrots and flambéing guinea pigs to tackle that pile of unbuttered bread? Banish your kitchen nightmares with this handy Sticky Butter Butter Stick!

Top shouting chef Gordon Ramsay would probably be even more successful if he had this powerful grease gadget in his f*#*ing kitchen!

* Sticky Butter’s computer-designed ergonomic shape means it can tackle even the most exotic bread shapes – and rolls too!

* Don’t stop at bread! Butter Stick can also be applied to crackers, asparagus and as a soothing balm for insect bites.

*Collect the whole range of great kitchen accessories including Ketchup Rifle, Spray Can Jam and Lard Pen!


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Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Process That Deer!

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Oh deer!

Hunters – do you have piles of dead deer blocking up your lodge entrance? Devoid of ideas on what to do with your bloodied bounty? All stuffed out with the Do-It-Yourself Taxidermy kit? Thank goodness someone has created this fabulous DVD packed with ideas to – yes – process that deer!

Featuring step-by-step instructions from leading deer processing experts Monty O’Drizzle and his assistant Bob Nutter, you too can get that decaying deer cut and shut before sundown!

* Slash, slice and dice with confidence as you transform your bucket of buck into a bountiful feast of burgers, pies and sausages. You’ll be such a culinary hit even your tree-sucking vegetarian friends will be gorging on bloody steaks in no time!

* Monty and Bob demonstrate 101 uses for a deceased doe and create accessories for your truck and trailer, stunning costume jewellery, a children’s bouncy castle and a replica of the late Charlton Heston!

– Don’t forget to order the slash-happy duo’s other entrail-taining DVDs including

* Beaver BBQ Blow Out
* Black Bear to Biofuel In Three Easy Steps
* You Hit The Cat, Now What?

So grab your rifle and get blasting!


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