Monty: Hey there Tiggy fans! Monty O’Drizzle here, world-renowned hunter an’ King of the Kill! Today, me an’ my assistant Bob Nutter have been takin’ a look at the wonderful world of meat art.
Bob: Yes folks, you heard Monty right. Meat isn’t just for eating!
Monty: I told ya meat is useful! Now, I’m not one for wastin’ my time in art galleries, unless they let me shoot at stuff, hey? But I’d hire out my Momma out for target practice, to own summa this art!
Bob: So Monty, let’s have a wander down our virtual meat-art exhibition. First up is this wonderful sculpture of a house, made out of meat! Look at the plumpness of those sausage walls.
Monty: Holy hell, Bob, I’d love to be livin’ in a house’ made outta meat! It sure beat my lil huntin’ hut fer sure. If I was hankerin’ for supper, I could jus’ lick the walls! Neat, hey?
Bob: And here’s the American Star-Spangled Banner – or should that be the Star Spangled Dinner! This wonderful work of meat art tastes as good as it looks.
Monty: Now that is one ‘Merican flag I’d like to see goin’ up in flames… on tha’ grill, that is! I’m kinda inspired to be makin’ my own flag outta somethin’ patriotic, like beaver guts. That would hang mighty fine on ma meat wall in ma meat house, hey? Meat. I love ya.
Bob: Meat has also made its way onto the catwalk! Look at this wearable work of art – a dress made out of meat! Never mind those little black cocktail dresses ladies, if you want to impress your man on a date, I’d slip into this cheeky little bacon number.
Monty: Bob, I’d even be tempted to go onna date with a lil lady if she were wearin’ that getup! Hell, I’d date a one-legged leprechaun with rabies if he were wearin’ a meat dress!
Bob: Ladies, this outfit may melt a hunter’s heart, but just remember that wearing this dress in warm environments like nightclubs can attract unwanted attention. And I’m not just talking about attracting bar flies! But also maggots and other parasitic infestations.
Monty: Good advice there Bob, I’d be keepin’ a can of fly spray in ma purse jus’ to be safe. Anyhoo, all this meat art stuff is makin’ ma belly make a noise like when we rolled that badger down a hill in an oil drum. Remember that, Bob? He were not a happy badger, that’s fer sure!
Bob: I don’t think we ever did that, Monty. Anyway, join us again next time for another Meat Beat! And don’t forget – meat is murder – but the good kind!