Tag: blogging

Tiggyblog is One!

Birthday Blog Girl! Yay.

I love birthdays! It’s an excuse to do nothing at work, drink copious amounts of tequila and spend the night throwing up into a salad bowl. That’s how I like to celebrate anyway.
And Tiggyblog is one year old this week! And what a year it’s been…

My artsy adult movie project The Cock Whisperer attracted international media attention! It even made headlines on World Sex News. Looky here!

World Sex News breaking story!

Despite the international media frenzy, funding for the project was not forthcoming. Bunch of pussies!

Inflammatory post of the year dealt with the controversial topic of… fancy restaurant food. Indeed, I was subject to a barrage of fucked-up-foodie rants and hate mail, and branded a “redneck philistine” who probably drove a pick-up truck to McDonalds every day. Who’d have thought raw beef could stir up such emotions?

Undeterred by my previous film-making ventures, I managed to land a part in a movie! My stunning performance as “Princess” the hot executive was spoiled only by the other 230 people in the shot.

Birthday party at Hooters!And the hottest posts of the year? Thousands of you have become enlightened about that funny herb you can smoke, the wonders of cheese, a valuable collection of new swear words and my quest to become a Hooters girl. You people are weird.

And in response to the all Google searches I’ve had relating to my Hooters post, a) Hooters girls will not let you eat their panties, b) no, they will not hire you if you are over 200lb and c) performing sex acts with chicken fingers is not illegal in Alberta, as far as I know.

So a big thank you! to the 50,000 visitors to my site so far (could some of you please flippin’ subscribe too? I’m not charging ya) and the countless nutcases who have left messages. You guys are all lovely and probably very attractive!

Thanks also to the Humorbloggers, Jenn, JD, Chelle B., Lord Likely and all the other comedy-blog-persons I’ve probably annoyed over the last twelve months.

Tequila and salad bowls are on me!


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Tiggy’s Top Tips for Writer’s Block

Agghh! Agghhh! Aggggghhhhhh!!!

Damn this blank page! I need to fill it with witty comments and interesting observations for Tiggyblog, but after four hours all I’ve done is write my name at the top. And I spelled that wrong.
Writer’s block is frustrating, especially if your life is dull and devoid of inspiration. How can you generate great ideas for that overdue article or blog? I’ve thought up some useful tips to help you fill that page in no time.

 

1. Go for a walk. Running away from your empty page is a good start. Hopefully you will be inspired by something on your walk. Or get hit by a car. This will give you plenty to write about as you recover in hospital.

Oooh bright lights, happy colours... dfkso, gjdooe ane eift!2. Get high. It works for rock stars, it could work for you. Roll a fat one, sit back and wait for inspiration. The disadvantage being anything you’ve written down is unintelligible when you recover. Get high again and it all makes perfect sense. Come back down and it’s scribble again. This technique may take some practice.

3. Cut up the Dictionary and draw words out of a hat. Arrange the words on the page. Problem solved.

4. Become a movie reviewer. You will never have to think up an original idea again. Make a list of stock phrases such as “Touching portrayal”, “More profanity than plot” and “Don’t waste your money” and cut and paste as required. You don’t even need to watch the movie, just look at the promotional poster and draw your own conclusions.

Word in Peru - oil prices to hit $200 a barrel.5. Think in the third person. Imagine yourself as someone else and look at the world through their eyes. You could write a topical blog from the perspective of a brown Peruvian Alpaca (or whatever colour you prefer). I’m sure they have opinions on global oil prices. Combine with tip #2 for further inspiration.

6. Set a target. Aim for no more than 2 words a day – they have to be really good words though. By the end of the week you’ll have a sentence. It’s a start.

7. Pay someone to write for you. Writers are cheap and can often be bought with alcohol and smokes. Let them suffer writer’s block on your behalf.

8. Join an interesting local group. An extremist right-wing religious sect or suicide cult preparing for Armageddon would be perfect – if you get out alive just think of the stories you could tell! And they’d all be dead so they couldn’t sue you.

Religious cults - they're all mad as pies!

9. Get yourself arrested. This could be easily arranged in combination with tip #2, or you could go for an ecological slant by chaining yourself to a tree. Or better still, a logger. Don’t forget to take your notebook to jail.

10. Accept the fact your creativity is spent and your writing career is over. You will need to get yourself a real job.

 

Follow these handy tips and your creative juices will be flowing all over the place, earning you enough money to keep on writing and pay for all those drug fines. Now grab your pen and blog off.


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