Taking ShamWow to the Next Level
What’s orange, German and intent on world domination? No, not a Nazi with a suntan, but the mighty ShamWow! The legendary TV ad starring Vince Offer and his super-absorbent miracle cloth has resulted in millions reaching for the phone, desperately hoping they call in the next 20 minutes to receive another ShamWow FREE to use in the bathroom, or on pets, or even on Olympic divers…
Anyway, I’ve been giving ShamWow a lot of thought. Maybe too much thought. Not content with my fabulous Wii game concept, I’ve come up with more amazing ShamWow products that will have you saying “WOW!”
BabySham: New mothers! Wasting too much time changing baby when you could be reading mommy blogs? Simply swaddle your newborn in the BabySham super-absorbent diaper, which holds up to 20 litres of infant pee! If your baby is too heavy to pick up, it’s time to change the diaper! Great for the old and infirm too.
Wow On The Rocks: This take-anywhere liquor solution is perfect for busy alcoholics on the go! Pour two bottles of tequila, half a bottle of vodka and a splash of orange into your ShamWow and stow away in your briefcase or school bag. Simply wring the desired amount into a glass for an instant ShamWow Martini!
ShamWow Levee: New Orleans! Fed up of your city being washed away every year? Introducing the new ShamWow Levee! This bright orange flood defence soaks up those troublesome floods in no time, without having you having to sit on your roof while your government ignores you!
Y’all be sayin’ “Wowwww!”
SnitchWow: Mafiosi! Looking for a lightweight, portable alternative to concrete boots? Simply wrap unwanted bloody corpses, mangled police informants or crazed Miami hookers in the SnitchWow blanket, drop into the river and let its super absorbency sink the dirty squealer like a stone!
Call in the next 20 minutes and we’ll throw in a Goodfella Goo Mop – great for mopping up those irksome bloodstains!
TenaWow: Ladies of a certain age! Do you suffer from embarrassing leaks or accidents… are you still with me, camera guy…?
Can we mop it? Yes we can!
Great stuff! I wish I had thought of it.
How about the CondomWow! Absorbs all those little baby makers.
What I need is a WordWow! for grabbing and absorbing all those inappropriate things that I say.
Dan Brantley’s last blog post..Stop Me Before I Spin Again!
Let me know if, when you post this on Twitter, Vince follows you as well. I need someone else to feel as creeped out as I do. 🙂
Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..Hide the Children, Subversive Cabbages are Here!
I’ll take a ShamWow martini please. That’s a brilliant idea. Plus, it won’t even look like you’re drinking.
chowner’s last blog post..Conversation starters that come in handy when I want to remind people that I recently won the lottery
You forgot one:
TamWow
Umm…monthly “feminine hygiene” product.
I can’t think of a better use.
moooooog35’s last blog post..Anesthesia, Sexual Harassment, and You
Great idea!!
I wanted a ShamWow really really badly, and my husband thought I was just joking around, and for my birthday he got me a FAKE ShamWow, and I got really depressed and almost strangled him with it.
He eventually told me he bought it as a gag gift, but hey, if the receiver takes it seriously, I’m thinking the gag did not work.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..Dennis Rodman Needs Help, And I Need Jesse James
Yeah, me too on those Shamwow martinis. If you’re looking for me, I’ll be out on the deck with Jenn getting hammered…
I hope someone from FEMA is reading this!
But wait!
There’s more!
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html
moooooog35’s last blog post..Anesthesia, Sexual Harassment, and You
Vince Offer = the reason I now believe in the concept of evil. o_o’
C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Tattle babble.
The Snitchwow is dangerous. Use too much, and it could soak up the entire river leaving the corpse right out in the open.
Joe’s last blog post..Monday Morning Meh
Dan: The Wow possibilities are endless! I hope Vince is reading all this.
Jenn: Nothing so far. I am impatiently awaiting his tweet. I wonder, can you get Twitter in jail?
Chowner: Exactly – you can hide your drinking from your family, friends and boss! Awesome.
Moooog: It crossed my mind. But then I uncrossed it.
Mary: A ‘fake’ ShamWow? It wasn’t a… Zorbeeze, was it?
Venom: There’s enough liquor in one cloth to keep a poolside sex party going for a week! Not that I’ve tried yet, but that’s what it said on the box.
Meg: I’m sure they’d appreciate my artist’s impression and gives them some ideas.
Mooog: Poor Vince being hoodwinked by a common whore? If only he had his SnitchWow, they work on Miami prostitutes.
CB: So if Vince is evil, what does that make Billy Mays?
Hmmm, I’m thinking he may be behind poor Vince’s run-in with the law. I wonder, if Billy shaved his beard and donned a blonde wig…
Joe: Good point. Also, remember never to poke yourself in the eye with a ShamWow. It will soak up all the moisture and leave your eyeball looking like a dried up prune rattling around your socket. They don’t mention this on the box.
I have half a mind (no jokes, please) to try the tena wow! It just might work.
Beth’s last blog post..I Want Five Referrals for Rim 2 Rim- Employee Benefits
Diapers are too absorbent now. My son’s peed in one so much overnight (he’d drunk a lot of pool water) that the damn thing exploded, but he was never uncomfortable. Among the things my son has taught me I never want to clean up is exploded supersaturated diaper.
Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..Time to Yourself
TenaWow – I am a lady of that certain age. Wish I would have had TenaWow before I read this post.
MadMadMargo’s last blog post..Zlad!
Finally, good spin offs for the world’s most annoying product.
Stumbled.
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I love the New Orleans shamwow levee, it would be a great a new tourist attraction!
OMGawsh! I lurve the shamwow levee! Hilarious!
quirkyloon’s last blog post..Shamwow Vince Vs. Quirkyloon
You are one creative lady! I’m sure the Wow On The Rocks would work with beer. Loved your last one and the line “still with me camera guy?” Funny stuff Tiggy. Sorry I mised it first time around.
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This blog rocks! Nice to be here, Tiggy!
Cheerio