I Wanna Be A Hooters Girl!
A bright orange roof and gaudy neon sign signaled the arrival of our latest neighbourhood eatery – Hooters. I imagine a lot of women sighed in despair as the restaurant opened its doors to the crowds of excitable young men. The prospect of being served sizzling wings by a girl in tangerine hotpants isn’t my idea of fun. Yet I can’t help glancing longingly through the windows every time I drive by…
OK, I admit, I want to be a Hooters girl! I don’t really want to be a waitress – I tried it once, but my lack of balancing, pouring and social skills meant that career lasted one night only. No, it’s because all the girls who work at Hooters are pretty.
They have skinny legs, shiny hair and white-toothed smiles. Their orange hotpants don’t make their butt look like two bouncing pumpkins.
If I was a Hooters girl I could use my female assets to hide my lack of waitressing skills. It wouldn’t matter if I dropped the salsa or poured hot gravy into the slightly bulging lap of my diner – he would be too busy trying to get a glimpse down my t-shirt to notice. And then he’d leave me a big tip! Now that’s job satisfaction.
However, I think I’ve left it too late to pursue my dream. Most waitresses at the restaurant are students, so I’m probably 10 years to late to be a Hooters girl. Although I was probably 10 years too late 10 years ago.
Come to think of it, there’s never been a period in my life when I haven’t looked dorky, awkward or lumpy in the wrong places. I’m just not Hooters girl material.
I wonder if other Hooters wannabes have landed their dream job, only to be greeted by screams of horror as crowds rush to the door to escape the sight of their wobbly orange-peel thighs.
On the other hand I probably look as good as it’s going to get, so why not try? If I land the job I’ll let you all know. You could all come in and ask to be served by that cute waitress with the matching colour hair and hotpants, no, she’s not a freaky old hag, she’s just, erm, womanly.
Would you mind doing that for me? Just don’t order anything with hot gravy and you’ll be fine.
Mind you, there is another place where I can wear hotpants, serve men beer and get lots of tips. And the place is so dark I could easily hide my dorkyness. Although I don’t think I could manage that pole…
Hotpants are tight and wings are hot over at Humor-Blogs.com
If you get the job I’ll come and sit in your section, AND I’ll bring some teenage boys to ogle you. 😉
O, to be a Hooters Girl. Or, to be worthy of being a Hooters Girl. I shudder to think what I would look like in those orange shorts. I do have shiny hair, tho. Can they overlook my flat chest and orange-peel thighs?
Its too cold and miserable in the UK for Hooters. Hang on! that’s a perfect reason to have a ton of them.
I know why we don’t have them, we are all stingy bastards and would never tip 🙂
I’d bring my friends and sit in your section. We’d buy beer, make you reach way over the table and ask if the breasts are fresh – just to make you feel like one of the girls.
Trust me, you don’t want to be a Hooter’s girl. They have a short shelf life and I bet theres a lot of bitchiness going on beind the scenes!
Hooters girls are way over rated. They don’t look like the girls in the commercials. And most are pains in the ass. I’d rather go to the diner where the waitresses can be as good looking, and have 1/10th the bad attitude.
Good luck with the new career path! I hope you make it. It would be a victory for all of us regular girls!
I used to be a hooters girl no wait I once had some fun with a hooters girl in a dream well thats close enough.
I think you should apply for a job there and tell us how the interview went, I’d love to read that!
There are always truck stops, Tiggy… 🙂
They really need to have adulty Hooters places for people like me that are too lazy to notice boobs, but appreciate all the hard work that goes towards saving the owls or whatever.
If you don’t feel like a career is stripping or waitressing at Hooters, you could try a career as a go-go dancer.
The cage will protect you from people wanting to touch you, but allow them a chance to stare at you longingly. Also, the cages are small, so if you stumble, you will just bounce of the cage and back into an upright position.
I say you go to Hooters dressed like TV sitcom waitress “Flo” with a big behive hairdo, pineapple earrings, and a pink waitress uniform with a little corsage and a tag on it.
See what they do.
And if you don’t get the job, you tell ’em to “kiss your grits.” 🙂
Aside from the gobs of make-up, let me make you aware that Hooters girls have to wear pantyhose (hides the cellulite & tummy), and two (yes TWO!) padded bras (to increase the, um, assets). So squeeze yourself into all that crap, and see if you don’t look a wee bit better too!
Then you can start your own restaurant. The anti-Hooters. You could name it Pumpkins!
As long as you have Hooters, I believe you will be completely qualified to be a Hooters girl.
Of course, if you are unsure of your Hooters, I shall happily give them a once over for you, at no extra cost.
I can see where you’re coming from. I’ve never been confident in my looks… I’m thin which makes that part easy… but I don’t have the whitest teeth in the world, I don’t have big breasts, and I lack any sort of confidence… and it shows.
I could go without the beautiful body, but I’d like to have the confidence… probably the most out of anything. I don’t feel ugly… but I don’t feel like I’d ever be able to be a Hooters Girl.
The one thing I DON’T like about hooters girls? Those weird shiny flesh-colored tights that they’re required to wear for sanitary reasons. It just reminds you that the loose serving of flesh doesn’t mingle well with the other loose serving of flesh.
If that photo of you is accurate, I’d say you were well qualified.
While it’s true it wouldn’t matter if you(or any other Hooters Girl)spilled or dropped anything, yes I’d be too busy trying to get a glimpse of what’s under your shirt(hey! I can’t help it!–but at least I look the girl in the eyes when she serves me–TRUE!), but even without that I always give big tips to girls…more so if they’re touchy-feely…often(I don’t mean in a bad way but pats on the back or taps on the shoulder). We lonely old single ugly guys need that in our life to make us feel good.
p.s. that’s for all waitresses not just Hooters Girls–be touchy-feely with me and the larger the tip I give.
Their orange shorts are actually skin-toned…
I’m only sixteen, and I really want to be a hooter’s girl, but i have to wait till i’m eighteen! damn it!!
im a hooters girl and i love it do it!
wow!its crazy that i found this! i was a hooters girl for 3 yrs and now i dance at an upscale club.let me tell you, although it was fun working at hooters, you STILL have to deal with the drunks being disrespectful just like you do at a strip club. the tips are good, but personally, i like dancing so much better! you make twice the money, u get EXPENSIVE gifts,jewelry, trips to vegas etc, and guys like strippers MUCH better than hooters girls! plus, theres not really an age limit- as long as you look good! and yes, there are some beautiful hooters girls, but alot of the time theyre just average girls. ive seen ALOT of flat chested hooters girls too. i feel like alot of hooters girls want to be strippers but just dont have the guts. be a stripper- a beautiful exotic dancer is every mans fantasy!