Tag: scary

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre: Road Trip Tray

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Releive the boredom of driving with the Road Trip Tray!

Are you a busy salesman or executive out on the road? Save time and increase productivity with this super Road Trip Tray! Now you can write reports and browse e-mails on your laptop while you cruise down the highway. Also makes a great dining table for those high-speed picnics. And the Road Trip Tray’s 1001 uses don’t end there…

* Parents! Keep baby happy by using it as a diaper changing station, allowing busy mums to keep moving while attending to junior’s movements!

* Have a dangerous old car with no air bags? Simply tie a soft pillow to the tray and remember to bury your head into it as your car collides with that speeding truck or kindergarten group.

Net nerds! Can’t bear to be away from Facebook or YouTube for a minute? Worried you’ll miss the latest hilarious Lolcat picture? Surf while you drive with this fabulous Web Wow Wheel Widget and never miss a moment of cyber fun!*

Truck, what truck?

*Do not operate while driving. Pretty please. No really, don’t. Seriously. OK, only for really important e-mails. And maybe Twitter.


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Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre: Teeny Princess Machine Gun

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It's pink! It's cute! It's semi-automatic!

Moms! Looking for a special gift for your precious daughter? Does your little lady want the best and wants it now – or else? Nothing says “I love you” more than this oh-so-cute Teeny Princess semi-automatic machine gun! Now your loved one can feel safe on the streets amongst the hordes of drug dealers, rapists and terrorists – and coordinates perfectly with her favourite girly outfits!

* Your little girl will be Queen Popular at school – they’ll all want to be her friend – or else!

* Feel free to let your daughter run errands to the drug store, shopping mall or crack house knowing your little one can take care of herself – or she’ll take care of them!

* Buy her even more love with glamourous Teeny Princess accessories including Sparkle Puss fluffy ammo bag and silencer attachment! It’s like, totally awesome!


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Tiggy’s Hit Parade: Pirate Pranks and Salty Seamen!

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Music fans! Need to brighten up your miserable existence with a jolly jig or a dollop of juicy jazz? Thank the Lord for Tiggy’s Hit Parade!

(Unfortunately, Tiggy doesn’t possess a turntable or any musical knowledge, so all reviews are entirely fictional).

Get jizzy with it!

Cock Pirates

7. Anchor’s Away! Captain Hook and His Pirates

Shiver me timbers and suck me cockles! You’ll will have a scurvy-licious time listening to the Cap’n and his hearty high-seas shanties! Real-life pirate Captain Randy Hook and his first mate Annie MacMuffin welcome you ‘all aboard’ their fantasy ship stuffed to the rafters with friendly pirates and barrels of booty!

Hook’s musical pieces of eight include:

* Pat the Pirate’s Special Sword
* Going Down on the Good Ship Molly
* A Stormy Night and a Rough Ride
* The Tale of Salty Seaman Jack
* A Jolly Roger
* Jig Around My Mast

Kids will also love the FREE eye patch included with this musical marvel, and give them hours of rollicking one-eyed fun. Arrrrrr!

Next time on Hit Parade: The space-time continuum gets all fucked up with a folk singer from… THE FUTURE!


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20 More People I Don’t Want to Meet

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That, plus 85.

Never mind the last bunch of losers, nutcases and dicks, here’s some more people I’m avoiding right now.

1. A cop wearing only one shoe

2. People who order skinny lattes but aren’t sure what skinny lattes are

3. People who believe Sunday is the first day of the week

4. People who insist a tomato is a fruit

5. A lap dancer that smells of cheese

6. Eighty-seven Goths

7. A door-to-door tampon salesman

8. A Christmas Parade Santa with a weak bladder

9. A vicar clenching a potato between his buttocks

10. An underage ambulance driver

11. A one-armed pizza chef

12. A dwarf dressed as a pixie

13. Anyone who bought a ShamWow because they liked the TV ad

14. A superhero with Tourette’s

15. A door-to-door door salesman

16. A bishop with a squirrel under his hat

17. A lawyer who lives in a trailer

18. A heavily perspiring Hooters Girl

19. A pixie dressed as a leprechaun

20. A Wal-Mart greeter with an erection

Have you met anyone you don’t want to meet recently?


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