Tag: nasa

Tiggy’s Shopping Bizarre – Space Suits

Ooh, I'd like to ride your shuttle!Wow! I nearly came when I saw these out-of-this-world super space suits! Frustrated shuttle pilots everywhere can indulge their fantasies with these cosmic costumes.

Simply redecorate your garage or lounge in tin foil, and create high-tech controls from old switches and cereal boxes… and prepare to lift off!

There’s no end of space fantasies I’d love to recreate inside my shiny capsule.

Of course you won't look stupid.* To enhance your galactic experience, hire a children’s bouncy castle and pretend to bounce your way across the moon or even Mars! Don’t forget – shoes off first.

* For a hilarious prank, pretend you are a Cosmonaut who has crash-landed in your neighbour’s garden. Tell them in made-up Russian you need them to urgently phone Vladimir Putin, NASA and the nearest Radioactive Waste Decontamination Unit. They will be thrilled to have such fun-loving neighbours!

If you can’t afford to spend $$$ at The Space Store, simply pop over to the Kennedy Space Center and grab yourself a pair of these fetching high-tech intergalactic… oven gloves!

They bake muffins in space, too!

As used on the space shuttle by Neil Armstrong! Probably.


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I Like The Moon

Shiny, lovely, moony.

“We like tha MOON! squealed the Spong Monkeys in their famous ditty. And what’s not to like? It hangs in the sky like a pretty night light, helping countless drunks find their car keys in the dark.

But what do we know about the moon? I decided to investigate. I read a stack of library books on astronomy and astrophysics. To be honest I didn’t understand a word of it, but I’ll have a stab anyway.

Photo courtesy of invisible custard squirrel.Location – The moon is in the sky every night. In the early evening it looks huge, but later on it is just a tiny globe high up. But the moon hasn’t got further away! It’s just an optical illusion.

Sometimes I have the illusion of three or four moons bouncing around the sky. I asked around but it seems only me and the invisible custard squirrels can see them.

Identification – The moon is known as The Moon. It is a moon, but it is not Moon. It’s a pretty stupid name to be honest. Other moons have nice names like Pheobe and Io, so why can’t the moon have a name like Uhuru or Jeffery?

Come to think of it, The Earth is a crap name too. I think it should be renamed Bubbles.

Buddy, stop arseing around and get on with some digging.

Composition – I consulted the astronomy books for this bit. Words I understood were dust, rock, iron and magnesium. Words I didn’t understand were olivine, clinopryoxine and ilmenite. Apparently the moon has this stuff in it. I don’t know how scientists know, the Apollo astronauts spent most of their time arseing around with flags and moon buggies rather than doing any bloody work.

Effects – The oceans slosh around on Earth due to the moon’s magnetism. This is probably caused by iron molecules colliding with the particulates in the clinopryoxine. I have no frigging idea to be honest. All I do know is the next time I am clinging to the side of a turbulent ferry heaving the contents of my guts overboard, I will have the moon to thank.

Suck on that, conspiracy theorists!Conspiracies – Some people think man has never been into space, let alone the moon. This is crazy. Tom Hanks obviously filmed Apollo 13 in space – you can clearly see the Earth from his spacecraft window.

Others claim the moon landing photos were shot in a secret NASA studio. But how would NASA know what to make the scenery look like if they hadn’t been to the moon? Honestly, some people.

That is all I know about the moon. Now I have to return my astronomy books before the library tracks down who stole them.

They have big shiny helmets and want to play space over at Humor-Blogs.com


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