Tag: men

Meat Beat’s Sizzling Barbecue Guide

There's some hot meat cookin' tonight!

Hey there meat maniacs, it’s time for another Meat Beat!

Bob: Hi, Tiggy fans! Bob Nutter here, assistant to the High Priest of Ham himself, Monty O’Drizzle. Sadly, Monty can’t join us this month; he had a bit of an accident involving a steak sandwich and a tub of glue. Probably best not to ask questions at this point. Instead, Monty’s brother, Mike O’Drizzle, is here to share his extensive meat knowledge!

Mike: Hello there, boys! And hi to the little ladies too, I guess. You’re lookin’ mighty fine today, Bob! That shirt sets off them muscles of yours mighty nice.

Bob: Erm, thanks. Mike, now summer is here, it’s time to think about buying a new barbecue. I’m hoping to have a party this weekend, get some hunting buddies together on my deck, and fire up some hunks of fresh meat.

Mike: Bob, there’s nothin’ finer than firin’ up a few hunks. Of fresh meat, I mean! Can I come to yous party?

Bob: Of course, Mike! But be warned, my buddies have lots of stamina and party pretty hard, it will be a long hot night!

Mike: Sounds like a party that’s right up my alley, fer sure!

Bob: Yeah, anyway Mike, about this barbecue …

Mike: Bob, bein’ a huge meat fan, I was happy to do some research for y’all, and conduct a thorough test of the top barbeques out there. So I went down to my local Home and Garden centre to check out some best buys.

Bob: That’s great Mike, very kind of you. So what did you find out?

Mike: Well Bob, I was assisted by a nice young guy called Dan, who is a barbecue expert at the store. He was mighty enthusiastic about sharin’ his expertise with ole Mike.

Bob: OK, shout out to young Dan there! Honestly Mike, is it just me, or are these in-store experts getting younger these days?

Check out the grill!Mike: I know what yer sayin’ Bob; I’d say young Dan was only in his early twenties! And about 180lb, six foot tall, dark brown eyes, looked like he worked out, I’d say.

Bob: OK Mike, I think that was probably more information than we needed. Anyway, I guess you and Dan had a fine old time in the barbecue department, prodding and poking, and exploring all the options?

Mike: Fer sure, Bob! I ran my hands over all the parts, we tested the knobs for sturdiness, and then we got a bit of meat goin’ on there.

Bob: So Mike, from your research, what model barbecue would you recommend to our readers out there?

Mike: Barbecue? Oh, I don’t really know there Bob, me and Dan were havin’ too much of a good time to look at barbecues. I guess any of them would be fine.

Bob: OK Mike, thanks for that barbecue test. I’m sure Tiggyblog readers will be rushing to the Home and Garden store right now to get some advice. And thanks to Dan for giving a helping hand.

Mike: Oh, you got that right, Bob! I’m goin’ back to the store tomorrow to test the power drills.

Bob: Mike, once again that was too much information. Anyway, I’m looking forward to having a great time grilling steaks on my new barbecue this weekend!

Mike: And I’m lookin’ forward to comin’ to the party, fer sure! And if any of you male readers out there are chefs or have meat handlin’ skills, be sure to give ole Mike O’Drizzle a call, and send a photo if you have one, as I’ll be lookin’ for some guys to help me out at the barbecue. Ain’t that right, Bobby?

Bob: Oh Christ. Anyway Tiggy fans, let’s all pray Monty is back in one piece for next month’s Meat Beat. Keep on cookin’!


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Tiggy’s Old Timer Crush Club

My boys! Oh, how lucky is Tiggy.

It’s nice to be complimented by men, isn’t it? Unless you’re a straight man. Although don’t knock what you haven’t tried.

And I do get compliments. A twinkling smile and a charming “You look nice today!” or “I’d really like to bang you!” brightens up my day no end. Unfortunately, most of the men doing the complimenting are usually quite mature…

Oh, What A Lovely War

The beer goggles are on!I was sitting at a bar hoping to catch the eye of the hot barman when an elderly gentleman sat next to me and ordered a Guinness. He seemed innocent enough. You know those old guys who can drink endless pints of Guinness and talk for hours about nothing? Well, he talked for hours about nothing. His false teeth were wearing down at an alarming rate. I smiled sympathetically, hoping he’d clear off so I could share some quality time with the barman.

But then the old devil dropped his killer chat-up line like a doodlebug on a bus queue. “My dear, you are the image of my first love… she died in the Blitz”. Oh nice. Did I look like her before or after the Blitz?

Then I felt a bony hand on my knee. Ever had one of those evenings?

Old Charlie hanging with his birds.Dead Pigeon Fancier

The boozy company party was no better. I had invested my evening chatting up lovely Rick from Marketing only for him to slope away (well, flee) with some pathetic excuse about having to vomit in the washroom. His place was instantly filled by Charlie the janitor, who swooped on me like a gnarly old crow with a pacemaker.

Initially Charlie behaved like a perfect gentleman, bringing me Bacardi Breezers on demand and entertaining me with stories about the Korean War, garbage disposal systems and the number of dead pigeons he’d pulled from the water tank.

Then I saw that decrepit, garbage-stained hand reaching towards my knee. I decided to join Rick in the washroom.

That was him! I'd know those wrinkles anywhere!Rockin’ the Joint

My latest wrinkly Romeo was a guitarist in a rock band that played at my local bar the other night (maybe I should stop going to bars). Under the impression he had the same rock star pulling power as Mick Jagger he slid up to me, flashed a smile and demanded the barman give me a beer. I’d prefer the barman gave me something else, but never mind.

This old rocker had obviously ingested many substances in his lifetime and he reeked of weed. There’s always room for another stoned, drunk man in my crush club! Rather than bore me senseless with tales of the road he just swigged his beer, put his skinny arm around me and asked if I wanted to go home with him. I wasn’t aware that seniors’ homes allowed visitors after midnight.

The barman was laughing too hard to help to this damsel in distress. Oh dear, I was having another one of those evenings.

I guess it’s nice to know there are men with breath in their body (just) that still find me attractive. That most of my suitors are either old, drunk, stoned or frequently all three is less flattering.

Let’s just hope they’re still interested when I hit 70…

They behave like perfect gentlemen until the lights go down over at Humor-Blogs.com


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Beards Are Sexy And I Want One

Arrggghhh! Oooohhh!Its official – men with beards are hot. Wouldn’t you love to fiddle with Dave Grohl’s grungy stubble, or swoon over George Clooney’s latest cock pirate look? I’d run a mile in the opposite direction if they shaved, that’s for sure.

I’ve been a beard fan since I was four and fell in love with Animal from the Muppet Show (I also wanted to marry C3-PO, but that story is going no further than my therapist).

As a four-year-old girl I dreamed of having my own beard one day. My fantasy was shattered after I excitedly informed my dad I wanted a beard like Animal’s when I grew up. Dad had to break the news to his sobbing daughter that ladies couldn’t grow beards. And maybe it was also time to reveal that C3-PO wasn’t a real robot. Childhood can be so painful.

It’s not fair. If women could grow beards just think of the fun we could have with them.

An attractive addition to your beard.– Hairdressers can double their profits as matching hair ‘n’ beard highlights become fashionable. Women can squander more money on overpriced beard-care products to enhance their facial fur.

Accessories like ribbons, glitter and flashing LED lights could be woven into the beard to create a stunning look for the weekly Girls’ Night Out.

– Woke up with a beard that would make Fidel Castro weep? Now you can add Bad Beard Day to your list of excuses to stay in bed. Tell your boss you are sick due to “women’s problems” and no further questions will be asked. If your boss is a man you can take the rest of the week off, they have no clue about these things.

– Coordinate your “lady parts” and beard with a theme! Wow them at the clothing-optional beach with matching Brazilian stripes, or a sexy heart-shaped trim to impress your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day!

Those flashing LED lights could also be incorporated for a seasonal Christmas tree theme, creating a stunning festive display “above and below”.

Just think how many cans of beans you could hide in there.– Beards have lots of practical uses. Never lose your keys or small children again by simply tying them to your beard.

Growing a long ZZ-Top beard will come in handy on holiday as a fluffy beach towel, or use it to hide grocery items you are not intending to pay for.

A beard of my own is but a dream, unless I start taking steroids or save my hair clippings to create my own face fuzz. Lady beards could be the new black! Look out for it at the next Paris Fashion Show.

The cock pirate look is all the rage over at Humor-Blogs.com


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Tiggy Investigates Man Boobs

Man Boobs - they're all the rage!

Man boobs have been on my mind. Now the sun is shining and the winter coats are off, I can’t help noticing t-shirted men who seem to have grown lady-like appendages during their winter hibernation.

But what are man boobs? Are you a man worried by the condition? Are you a woman who could do with a giggle? Read on.

Owning a pair of man boobs can result from lack of exercise, bad luck or something to do with the thousands of hormone-pumped, estrogen-infused triple cheeseburgers a busty boy has shoved down his throat. But how are men affected by this terrible tit trauma?

I decided investigate by visiting the local gym to observe shirtless men lifting weights for the afternoon. From my lengthy observations, I noticed there are two types of protrusion.

These are good. Tiggy approves. The first and rather more attractive type is the Resting Pec as I like to call it. These once-proud muscular mounds are reasonably firm and pert, but perhaps require their owners to consume a few less KFCs and spend a bit more time pumping the Bowflex in order to reach their optimum manliness again.

The second type are the more feminine looking he-humps or Saggy Old Witch Tits, the sort of flabby gristle you see on female bus drivers and at over-55s porn sites you accidentally click on sometimes. These poor chesty chaps must have so much estrogen in their system they probably went to see Sex and the City: The Movie and cry when they run over chipmunks.

How do you know if you have harmless resting pecs or worrying witch wobblers? Take this tit-tastic quiz to find out!

Moobs of doom!1. Can you hold a pencil, spoon or small mammal under your mammary gland?

2. Can you kiss your nipples?

3. Do your man boobs hit you on the chin when you run?

4. Are you too overweight to attempt question 3?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, I’m afraid the prognosis is not looking good. And neither are you.

A strict regime of tofu burgers and bench presses is the only way to banish that bosom and replace it with a macho six-pack. Alternately you could move to Bangkok, join a lady boy troupe and perform as a novelty Sumo wrestler/cabaret artiste. Believe it or not, there are a lot of Japanese businessmen who would pay good money to see that.

So in conclusion it seems that having both a cleavage and a cock is not as much fun as it sounds. Unless you think the lifestyle may be for you, in which case have another cheeseburger!

They have big manly chests over at Humor-Blogs.com


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