Tag: meat loaf

Test Your Brain with the TiggyPops Quiz!

Hey kids, it’s time for an end-of-the-year TiggyPops quiz! Grab a pencil and paper, pour yourself a large vodka and see if you’re Top of the Pops!

Trust me, the vodka will help.

1. Which toe-tapping hit song was featured in Tiggy’s Hit Parade?
A. Kjell Kraghe – Haj Haj Happy Pis!
B. The Butter Fucks – Grease Fire Fantasy
C. Man Without Hats – We Haven’t Found Our Hats Yet
D. Billy Frig and the Twatanauts – Kill All the Pies

2. The main ingredient of Tabouli is:
A. Fire
B. Brains
C. Sandwiches
D. Tabouli

Buy? Sell? Huh?3. In a bear economy, is it better to
A. Buy Meatloaf
B. Sell Meatloaf
C. Meatloaf is not in my portfolio
D. I don’t understand the question

4. For Christmas, Tiggy wants:
A. A helicopter ride
B. A balloon ride
C. Ride me big boy, like the big hairy slut you are
D. Tiggy can want all she likes, Santa ain’t coming

5. Where is the best place to hide your stash?
A. Under your boss’s desk
B. Under your boss’s grandmother
C. In a small child’s birthday cake
D. I have no idea what you’re talking about

6. When in Rome:
A. Do as the Romans do
B. Do as some Romans do, but not all of themRock and Roll Pudding. Part 3.
C. Fuck the Romans
D. Rome is not on my travel itinerary

7. Which CD would Tiggy most like to find in her Christmas stocking?
A. Paddy “P-Doggy” Roberts – Songs for Gay Dogs
B. The Butter Fucks – Lard is my Lube
C. Monty O’Drizzle and the Steak Suckers – I Told Ya Meat Is Useful
D. Meatloaf – Is It a Prune or Is It a Plum (Rock and Roll Pudding Part III)

8. What is the best superhero power to have, apart from a Super Trike?
A. Super vision
B. Super strength
C. Super noodles
D. Super balls

9. What was the least appetizing food product reviewed on Shopping Bizarre?
A. Panda flavoured twigs
B. Twig flavoured pandas
C. Meatloaf
D. What the fuck is with all these Meatloaf references

10. What is the worst job Tiggy ever had?
A. Porn Art Movie Director
B. Repulsive Hooters girl
C. Prawn strangler
D. Genial television host of That’s My Cock

*******

Mostly As
Congratulations! You got most of the answers right. Have a cake! Or some LSD.

Mostly Bs
You got some right, but I suspect you guessed your way through a lot of this. I mean, the answer to question #3 is B? Seriously?

Mostly Cs
You’re not very good at quizzes, are you?

Mostly Ds
You’ve not been paying the slightest bit of attention to this blog. You owe the “Mostly A” guys a cake. And LSD.

Happy holidays!


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail

Testing, Testing: Tiggy’s Mock Exam

Be prepared with Tiggy's exam help!

Examination season is upon us! Except for me; I always pay someone else to take my exams. Being the helpful sort I am, I have compiled a series of pencil-chewing mock exam questions for you to try out. Hopefully you will find the exact same questions when you turn over your test paper!

You have three hours… no talking, eating or bleeding.

Good luck!

MATHEMATICS
1. Assuming an average erect penis is 5.25″, how many members of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team would be able to sign their name on one penis before they run out of space?

2. A car is travelling at 130 kilometers per hour. A police officer has 6 minutes to wait before being served at the Tim Horton’s drive-thru. How long will it take for the cop to finish his coffee and apprehend the speeding car?

3. A Somali pirate has slashed your throat after seizing control of your ship.
Assuming a bleed rate of 58ml of blood per second, how many minutes will you wreathe on the floor in agony before succumbing to your injury?

4. An Amsterdam prostitute charges €50 an hour for services rendered. At an exchange rate of €1 to $1.37, calculate the cost of a 7 minute blow.

5. Scholars insist 3 into 7 won’t go. Make it go.

Chartists - Gay or Nay?HISTORY
1. Did the 19th Century Chartist movement represent a major challenge to the English political system? Or was it all just a bit gay?

2. “Peas in our time.” Discuss the political impact of frozen vegetables on the 1948 Berlin Blockade.

3. The construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza – How dey do dat?

4. With reference to the socio-economic hypothesis presented in Das Kapital, if Karl Marx was an ice cream, what flavour would he be?

5. Explain the main issues behind the Great Papal Schism of the 14th Century, in a French accent.

PHILOSOPHYBe prepared for the inevitable Meat Loaf question!
1. Meat Loaf would do anything for love, but won’t do that. Explain what you think that thing is he won’t do.

2. “‘Tis is better for a man to be noble and impotent, than be ignoble and have a really hard cock.” Discuss.

3. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Explain.

4. “You’ll be saying ‘Wow’ every time you use it.” Examine this statement a) in relation to ancient Greek Sophist theory and b) with reference to Aristotle’s assertion that a Zorbeez was a lot better at mopping up cola spills.

5. Why is Richard Simmons? Discuss.

BUSINESS STUDIES
1. Your business can save $1,000,000 a year by transferring production to an African sweatshop. Give five reasons why having small children working in your factory is actually for their own good.

2. A competitor has copied your product and has flooded the market with a cheap imitation. Explain how to counter the threat using a) revised marketing strategies b) legal action and c) a dirty hooker and a video camera.

3. Wholesaler #1 has 55 grams of poor quality Kush, whereas Wholesaler #2 is offering 28 grams of premium Moroccan hash. The wholesale price for both is $13 per gram. Assess the best value deal for your clients.

4. Customer profiling reveals that 57% of your customers are male, aged 35-50, with a preference for large hairy men. Explain how this will affect your forthcoming advertising campaign.

5. Discuss how the stock market crash of 2008 affected commodity values of a) oil, b) puppies and c) Meat Loaf.

Time’s up, pencils down. So how did you do? I’m guessing not so well.
Don’t despair, hopeless exam flunkers! Trump your tests the Tiggy way, with my new study guide Math, Marx and Meat Loaf – only $19.95, available from all good pet stores.


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail