Tag: mafia

Mafia Wars

Frigging Mafia.Dear readers, it’s been a while… a bloody long while since I posted anything. I’ve received literally several e-mails asking on my whereabouts, am I still alive, do I need bail money etc. Well thanks, but no. My problem has been of a more sinister kind – THE MAFIA!!

Yes folks, it seems my innocent little blog caught the attention of a shady underworld mob somewhere in Russia. Incensed by my poor grammar and constant piss-taking of Meat Loaf, those cold-hearted dons decided that my blog must disappear. From some dingy basement in Moscow, a team of ruthless Mafia hackers decided to take it apart and TAKE IT DOWN. They trashed it, burned it, pissed on the flames with their vodka-infused urine causing the flames to get higher and burn a bit more… until there was nothing left but a charred, defiled cinder of a website. Those BASTARDS!

Either that or I forgot to renew my web hosting account, I’m not entirely sure.

But anyway, having now single-handedly defeated the Russian mob, I guess it’s time to get on with it and write some ruddy posts! Bugger.


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail

Taking ShamWow to the Next Level

Wii shamwowWhat’s orange, German and intent on world domination? No, not a Nazi with a suntan, but the mighty ShamWow! The legendary TV ad starring Vince Offer and his super-absorbent miracle cloth has resulted in millions reaching for the phone, desperately hoping they call in the next 20 minutes to receive another ShamWow FREE to use in the bathroom, or on pets, or even on Olympic divers…

Anyway, I’ve been giving ShamWow a lot of thought. Maybe too much thought. Not content with my fabulous Wii game concept, I’ve come up with more amazing ShamWow products that will have you saying “WOW!”

BabySham: New mothers! Wasting too much time changing baby when you could be reading mommy blogs? Simply swaddle your newborn in the BabySham super-absorbent diaper, which holds up to 20 litres of infant pee! If your baby is too heavy to pick up, it’s time to change the diaper! Great for the old and infirm too.

Wow On The Rocks: This take-anywhere liquor solution is perfect for busy alcoholics on the go! Pour two bottles of tequila, half a bottle of vodka and a splash of orange into your ShamWow and stow away in your briefcase or school bag. Simply wring the desired amount into a glass for an instant ShamWow Martini!

shamwow new orleansShamWow Levee: New Orleans! Fed up of your city being washed away every year? Introducing the new ShamWow Levee! This bright orange flood defence soaks up those troublesome floods in no time, without having you having to sit on your roof while your government ignores you!
Y’all be sayin’ “Wowwww!”

SnitchWow: Mafiosi! Looking for a lightweight, portable alternative to concrete boots? Simply wrap unwanted bloody corpses, mangled police informants or crazed Miami hookers in the SnitchWow blanket, drop into the river and let its super absorbency sink the dirty squealer like a stone!
Call in the next 20 minutes and we’ll throw in a Goodfella Goo Mop – great for mopping up those irksome bloodstains!

TenaWow: Ladies of a certain age! Do you suffer from embarrassing leaks or accidents… are you still with me, camera guy…?

Can we mop it? Yes we can!


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail

Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Spaghetti

12. Spaghetti

Spaghetti - nom, nom, nom, nom.Invented by the Chinese in 250 BC, Italian food consists of pasta, pizza and parts of the pig you’d prefer to stay in the pig.

Spaghetti is best washed down with a light sparkling Frizzante (produced using a traditional method of fermenting grapes in old petroleum cans).

For extra authenticity, top your spaghetti with a Tommydevito, a spicy meatball made from pork, spices and snitches.

I liken das very much Billy Gibbons, he has das voice of ein Angel!Did you know that the most popular Italian song in the world is Shuddupa Ya Face by Joe Dolce, Italy’s very own King of Rock?

The Vatican were considering making it their national anthem, but the Pope plumped for ZZ Top’s more conservative Gimme All Your Lovin’ instead. Sellout.


Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinteresttumblrmail