Tag: hooters

20 More People I Don’t Want to Meet

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That, plus 85.

Never mind the last bunch of losers, nutcases and dicks, here’s some more people I’m avoiding right now.

1. A cop wearing only one shoe

2. People who order skinny lattes but aren’t sure what skinny lattes are

3. People who believe Sunday is the first day of the week

4. People who insist a tomato is a fruit

5. A lap dancer that smells of cheese

6. Eighty-seven Goths

7. A door-to-door tampon salesman

8. A Christmas Parade Santa with a weak bladder

9. A vicar clenching a potato between his buttocks

10. An underage ambulance driver

11. A one-armed pizza chef

12. A dwarf dressed as a pixie

13. Anyone who bought a ShamWow because they liked the TV ad

14. A superhero with Tourette’s

15. A door-to-door door salesman

16. A bishop with a squirrel under his hat

17. A lawyer who lives in a trailer

18. A heavily perspiring Hooters Girl

19. A pixie dressed as a leprechaun

20. A Wal-Mart greeter with an erection

Have you met anyone you don’t want to meet recently?


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Tiggyblog is One!

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Birthday Blog Girl! Yay.

I love birthdays! It’s an excuse to do nothing at work, drink copious amounts of tequila and spend the night throwing up into a salad bowl. That’s how I like to celebrate anyway.
And Tiggyblog is one year old this week! And what a year it’s been…

My artsy adult movie project The Cock Whisperer attracted international media attention! It even made headlines on World Sex News. Looky here!

World Sex News breaking story!

Despite the international media frenzy, funding for the project was not forthcoming. Bunch of pussies!

Inflammatory post of the year dealt with the controversial topic of… fancy restaurant food. Indeed, I was subject to a barrage of fucked-up-foodie rants and hate mail, and branded a “redneck philistine” who probably drove a pick-up truck to McDonalds every day. Who’d have thought raw beef could stir up such emotions?

Undeterred by my previous film-making ventures, I managed to land a part in a movie! My stunning performance as “Princess” the hot executive was spoiled only by the other 230 people in the shot.

Birthday party at Hooters!And the hottest posts of the year? Thousands of you have become enlightened about that funny herb you can smoke, the wonders of cheese, a valuable collection of new swear words and my quest to become a Hooters girl. You people are weird.

And in response to the all Google searches I’ve had relating to my Hooters post, a) Hooters girls will not let you eat their panties, b) no, they will not hire you if you are over 200lb and c) performing sex acts with chicken fingers is not illegal in Alberta, as far as I know.

So a big thank you! to the 50,000 visitors to my site so far (could some of you please flippin’ subscribe too? I’m not charging ya) and the countless nutcases who have left messages. You guys are all lovely and probably very attractive!

Thanks also to the Humorbloggers, Jenn, JD, Chelle B., Lord Likely and all the other comedy-blog-persons I’ve probably annoyed over the last twelve months.

Tequila and salad bowls are on me!


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I Wanna Be A Hooters Girl!

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Oh good! A Hooters restaurant. Just what we need.

A bright orange roof and gaudy neon sign signaled the arrival of our latest neighbourhood eatery – Hooters. I imagine a lot of women sighed in despair as the restaurant opened its doors to the crowds of excitable young men. The prospect of being served sizzling wings by a girl in tangerine hotpants isn’t my idea of fun. Yet I can’t help glancing longingly through the windows every time I drive by…

Hooters girls - their bums never look big in this.OK, I admit, I want to be a Hooters girl! I don’t really want to be a waitress – I tried it once, but my lack of balancing, pouring and social skills meant that career lasted one night only. No, it’s because all the girls who work at Hooters are pretty.

They have skinny legs, shiny hair and white-toothed smiles. Their orange hotpants don’t make their butt look like two bouncing pumpkins.

If I was a Hooters girl I could use my female assets to hide my lack of waitressing skills. It wouldn’t matter if I dropped the salsa or poured hot gravy into the slightly bulging lap of my diner – he would be too busy trying to get a glimpse down my t-shirt to notice. And then he’d leave me a big tip! Now that’s job satisfaction.

The reality.However, I think I’ve left it too late to pursue my dream. Most waitresses at the restaurant are students, so I’m probably 10 years to late to be a Hooters girl. Although I was probably 10 years too late 10 years ago.

Come to think of it, there’s never been a period in my life when I haven’t looked dorky, awkward or lumpy in the wrong places. I’m just not Hooters girl material.

I wonder if other Hooters wannabes have landed their dream job, only to be greeted by screams of horror as crowds rush to the door to escape the sight of their wobbly orange-peel thighs.

On the other hand I probably look as good as it’s going to get, so why not try? If I land the job I’ll let you all know. You could all come in and ask to be served by that cute waitress with the matching colour hair and hotpants, no, she’s not a freaky old hag, she’s just, erm, womanly.

Would you mind doing that for me? Just don’t order anything with hot gravy and you’ll be fine.

Mind you, there is another place where I can wear hotpants, serve men beer and get lots of tips. And the place is so dark I could easily hide my dorkyness. Although I don’t think I could manage that pole…

Hotpants are tight and wings are hot over at Humor-Blogs.com


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