Tag: drugs

Test Your Brain with the TiggyPops Quiz!

Hey kids, it’s time for an end-of-the-year TiggyPops quiz! Grab a pencil and paper, pour yourself a large vodka and see if you’re Top of the Pops!

Trust me, the vodka will help.

1. Which toe-tapping hit song was featured in Tiggy’s Hit Parade?
A. Kjell Kraghe – Haj Haj Happy Pis!
B. The Butter Fucks – Grease Fire Fantasy
C. Man Without Hats – We Haven’t Found Our Hats Yet
D. Billy Frig and the Twatanauts – Kill All the Pies

2. The main ingredient of Tabouli is:
A. Fire
B. Brains
C. Sandwiches
D. Tabouli

Buy? Sell? Huh?3. In a bear economy, is it better to
A. Buy Meatloaf
B. Sell Meatloaf
C. Meatloaf is not in my portfolio
D. I don’t understand the question

4. For Christmas, Tiggy wants:
A. A helicopter ride
B. A balloon ride
C. Ride me big boy, like the big hairy slut you are
D. Tiggy can want all she likes, Santa ain’t coming

5. Where is the best place to hide your stash?
A. Under your boss’s desk
B. Under your boss’s grandmother
C. In a small child’s birthday cake
D. I have no idea what you’re talking about

6. When in Rome:
A. Do as the Romans do
B. Do as some Romans do, but not all of themRock and Roll Pudding. Part 3.
C. Fuck the Romans
D. Rome is not on my travel itinerary

7. Which CD would Tiggy most like to find in her Christmas stocking?
A. Paddy “P-Doggy” Roberts – Songs for Gay Dogs
B. The Butter Fucks – Lard is my Lube
C. Monty O’Drizzle and the Steak Suckers – I Told Ya Meat Is Useful
D. Meatloaf – Is It a Prune or Is It a Plum (Rock and Roll Pudding Part III)

8. What is the best superhero power to have, apart from a Super Trike?
A. Super vision
B. Super strength
C. Super noodles
D. Super balls

9. What was the least appetizing food product reviewed on Shopping Bizarre?
A. Panda flavoured twigs
B. Twig flavoured pandas
C. Meatloaf
D. What the fuck is with all these Meatloaf references

10. What is the worst job Tiggy ever had?
A. Porn Art Movie Director
B. Repulsive Hooters girl
C. Prawn strangler
D. Genial television host of That’s My Cock

*******

Mostly As
Congratulations! You got most of the answers right. Have a cake! Or some LSD.

Mostly Bs
You got some right, but I suspect you guessed your way through a lot of this. I mean, the answer to question #3 is B? Seriously?

Mostly Cs
You’re not very good at quizzes, are you?

Mostly Ds
You’ve not been paying the slightest bit of attention to this blog. You owe the “Mostly A” guys a cake. And LSD.

Happy holidays!


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Rainbow Princess: A Christmas Wish

Christmas Joy from Rainbow Princess!

And now, a beautiful viral e-mail poem celebrating the joy of the season, from our very own Rainbow Princess!

santa61

Holiday season is a time of wonder
A child’s happy smile, a jolly Santa
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Or a juicy turkey with all the trimmings!

The reindeer prance through the snowy eve
Have you been a good boy and girl this year?
See what’s in your Christmas stocking
Live cam sluts in tiny panties!

XXX

lights

XXXX

Carol singers gather round the tree
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Colourful lights twinkle in the night
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Christmas pudding cheap Viagra
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What wonderful, happy Christmas cheer!

XX

Love and generic meds,
Rainbow Princess


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Cheap Cialis

The Hard Sell

What is it with comment spammers? Every day I find a gazillion messages in my blog comment box like “I love yur blog! Cheap Cialis!”, “I think that is very interesting point but whorecum CHEAP VIAGRA Britney naked,” or “Tiggy, if you contact me again I’m calling the cops, I mean it.” Goddam spammers.

Anyway, all this spam got me thinking. There must be a reason my blog is constantly targeted by these erectile dysfunction pill pushers. Do they know something about my readership I don’t? Am I missing a marketing opportunity myself? Fortunately, my mate Sparky knows someone who knows someone who works in a lab…

*Cue sappy music*

Gentlemen! Is your little buddy letting you down? Is your once-mighty porker softer than a sausage in a sweat box? Does your wife seem to be buying more cucumbers these days?

New from TiggyLabs, Dartmouth, Switzerland… COCKANOL®, a breakthrough in male erectile dysfunctional treatment! Just one pill a day, and your miniscule meat muppet will be transformed into a mighty muscular muff magnet! Sort of.

Cockanol - It's top of the Cocks!

Just see what our very satisfied customers are saying!

* I used to be a laughing stock in the bedroom. With COCKANOL®, I’m no longer a pathetic Jizz Jester, but King of the Cocks!

* My wife can’t get enough… And neither can her sister! Or the nanny! Or the guys at the boxing club! Thanks, COCKANOL®!

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* It won’t go down. Please make it stop.

Side-effects include hiccups, uncomfortable pants, and restraining orders. For erections lasting over three weeks, rub affected area with COCKSTOP ® gel and contact Tiggy Labs immediately. I’ll be right over.


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4/20 Day: A Place For Your Stash

Fields of green.

High there! Today is 4/20, or World Cannabis day, the annual celebration of the plant George Washington instructed us to “sow… everywhere!”
But before you fire up that bong in celebration, beware! The Man has deemed the cannabis plant is evil and illegal, and you don’t want to upset all those criminals making money from the war on drugs oil industry pharmaceutical companies alcohol industry respectable law-abiding citizens, do you?
So where to hide your outlawed herbal horde?

Really bad places to hide your stash

Socks: Hiding those precious buds in an old pair of socks may seem foolproof. But your socks will smell skunkier than a Snoop Dogg tour bus. And one day you will need those socks. They will be the only clean socks available on the morning of that important job interview. Or you’ll have to fashion them into sock puppets to entertain a group of small children at a birthday party. It happens.

I wonder… Sock puppets + weed = Idea for The Muppet Show?

Cakes, Muffins and ‘Special’ Scones: Bad idea. An innocent chocolate hash cake could easily end up in the wrong mouths, and devoured by a group of small children at a birthday party. Or at the County Fair Bake Sale. To be honest, a County Fair Baked Sale would be a lot more fun.

Underpants: Never store your stash in your underpants, particularly if a) it is a very hot day and b) you are intending to sell your wares to passersby.

Erm, it was somewhere over there...Industrial Hemp: Do not attempt to grow weed in an industrial hemp field. You may think you’re being cunning, but consider a) how you are going to find your crop in a field full of identical plants, especially if you’re stoned and b) hemp plants will savagely fornicate with and pollinate your precious plant, rendering it about as potent as a privet hedge. You’d get higher smoking your socks.

A hole in the ground: Something will get to your stash before you. Worms like to get high too! Imagine if you were a worm, grubbing around in mud all day. You’d have nothing to look forward to in life except digging holes, more mud, and then being yanked out of the ground by a starling.

Can you imagine bumping into a bag of weed? Wow! A quick sniff and you’d be floating around your wormhole composing cool worm music, inventing magical mud-powered flying machines…then some gardening dick would slice you in half with a spade.
Then they’d be two of you! Trippy.

I wonder… is that how Cheech and Chong happened?

Really good place to hide your stash

Inside Billy Bob Thornton’s latest CD: It’s not like anyone is ever going to open that.

Dog Treats: Store your stash inside a box of meaty treaty Yummy Bones. In the event the cops arrive with their sniffer dogs, the slobbering bastards will seek out and devour the crunchy canine cookies… along with all the evidence!
I don’t know why cops like Yummy Bones, but there you go.

In an old coffee jar wrapped in plastic and hidden under a brick by the garage door: It works for me.

Howdy neighbour, I found this under my deck! Thanks!Your neighbour’s house: The respectable couple next door with the neat lawn and shiny RV won’t notice if you hide your stash under their deck. They’d never be suspected of having weed on their premises! Unless your neighbours are Cheech and Chong. Or Willie Nelson. Or Marc Emery. Or school teachers. Or NASA scientists. Or humour bloggers. Or…

Happy 4/20 everyone! I’m off to join the celebrations outside, where I can see flashing red and blue lights outside my garage door. It must be a parade or something.
Same time next year, stoners!


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