Tiggyblog » Word Of The Day http://www.tiggyblog.com It's the stuff that comes out of my brain. Tue, 15 Jun 2010 13:00:07 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Clown http://www.tiggyblog.com/2009/01/22/tiggys-word-of-the-day-clown/ http://www.tiggyblog.com/2009/01/22/tiggys-word-of-the-day-clown/#comments Thu, 22 Jan 2009 11:00:38 +0000 Tiggy http://www.tiggyblog.com/?p=511 Clowns. They always find you in the end.13. Clown

An illness. Symptoms include big red nose, large pants and a strong urge to destroy innocent young lives with balloon animals. Ask yourself:

- Is falling over in a pair of oversize shoes amusing?

- Does a car that falls apart (that isn’t a Hyundai) tickle your funny bone?

- Has a clown ever done anything that made you laugh and feel happy inside?

- Have you ever hired one of these reprobates to traumatize small children at birthday parties?

If you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself. Ashamed.

Don’t forget nasty serial killer John Wayne Gacey used to dress up as a clown when he wasn’t out slashing and hacking. And he probably had balloons too. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Spaghetti - nom, nom, nom, nom.Invented by the Chinese in 250 BC, Italian food consists of pasta, pizza and parts of the pig you’d prefer to stay in the pig.

Spaghetti is best washed down with a light sparkling Frizzante (produced using a traditional method of fermenting grapes in old petroleum cans).

For extra authenticity, top your spaghetti with a Tommydevito, a spicy meatball made from pork, spices and snitches.

I liken das very much Billy Gibbons, he has das voice of ein Angel!Did you know that the most popular Italian song in the world is Shuddupa Ya Face by Joe Dolce, Italy’s very own King of Rock?

The Vatican were considering making it their national anthem, but the Pope plumped for ZZ Top’s more conservative Gimme All Your Lovin’ instead. Sellout.

]]> http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/11/08/tiggys-word-of-the-day-spaghetti/feed/ 9 Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Schadenfreude http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/10/10/tiggys-word-of-the-day-schadenfreude/ http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/10/10/tiggys-word-of-the-day-schadenfreude/#comments Fri, 10 Oct 2008 11:10:21 +0000 Tiggy http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/10/10/tiggys-word-of-the-day-schadenfreude/ Hahah! Hahahahah!!11. Schadenfreude

Not to be confused with shaftenfreund, which involves Bavarian sausages and hairy men called Gunter, schadenfreude is when the misfortune of others results in you having a bloody good laugh at their expense, making you feel better about your own pathetic life.

For example. Your so-called friends decide to hold a massive party. It’s going to be the best party in town! But your probation officer forbids you from going. It’s not fair! You will miss all the fun. You are sad.

The party is in full swing. But suddenly a huge hurricane blows through town, sweeping up the partygoers and washing them away into the sea to be lost forever. Their party is totally ruined! Lol. You feel much better.

Coming soon on Tiggyblog: Tiggy tries her hand at the ancient art of Haiku poetry! Then makes her movie acting debut (no, really!) How much of a mess can she make of that? Find out soon… and don’t forget to to subscribe to keep up with the latest madness!

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10. Kawaii

A Japanese word meaning ‘Cute Panties’.

Having conquered the world’s auto market by making things that didn’t break down and piss oil every six miles, Japanese designers devoted the rest of their time to drawing cute fluffy things.

Keep Kitty close with Kawaii Panties!By simply adding images of big-eyed bunnies to boxes of squid-flavoured candy, they discovered they could extract $$$ from small children.

It is now compulsory for all Japanese products to be emblazoned with happy fruit or tearful pandas.

In the hope of creating the next big Kawaii hit I drew a smiley face on a potato, called it Mi So Happy Pom and touted it around Tokyo.

But it went a bit mouldy.

Tiggy's Kawaii effort. Hmm.

They’re plushy, cute and wear Hello Kitty panties over at Humor-Blogs.com

 

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9. Spain

Hot country populated entirely by old people.

Invented by the Spanish, Spain is famous for sun, sea and Sangria, a traditional cocktail of red wine, Sunny Delight and brake fluid.

He's from Barcelona! Probably.Famous Spaniards include Renault Picasso, Manuel from Fawlty Towers and possibly Oates from top 80s rockers Hall and Oates, who looks a bit Spanish with that moustache.

A popular Spanish pastime is Bull Fighting which I believe is a lot like Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Great fun for kids.

 

They love clacking their big castanets over at Humor-Blogs.com

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      Athens Rockers REM are absolutely delighted to hear they’ve been featured on Tiggy’s Word Of The Day.

8. REM

Vegetarian band enjoyed by the elderly.

In the early days REM played gigs in greasy pizza joints and were paid in discarded crusts and shredded cheese. The following week they landed an $8 billion recording contract and bought a helicopter.

Interesting fact: lead singer Michael Stripe is a certified Taxidermist (but steers clear of doing fish as he can’t quite get the eyes right).

It is State Law in Wisconsin to play Everybody Hurts at funerals.

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Great Aunt Tiggylina Butternut-Mynge and her Temperance Society chums eagerly await World War I.

7. Teetotal

The superhuman ability to abstain from all alcoholic beverages.

I tried being teetotal once. I went to a bar and drank only tomato juice. I drank so much I spent the rest of the night vomiting bright red fountains of spaghetti sauce. Even worse, I was sober enough to remember it.

Kids, just say NO to vegetable-based liquid refreshments.

 

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A jolly farmer attends to his lovely flowers.

5. Spong

A real word. And you thought piggle was made up. Referring to “irregular, narrow, projecting part of a field” I believe it is also the sound tofu makes when you poke it with a fork.

If Tofu was called Spong they would sell a lot more of it.

 

6. Tofu A tofu disguised as a spong.

A tasteless wobbly substance with a texture similar to the stuff you find clogging household drainpipes. Curdled bean scrapings are compressed to form mattress-sized slabs of quivering goo. Springy enough to use as a mattress but usually chopped up and put into vegetarian products instead of real food.

The Tofu marketing department missed a trick by not calling it Spong.

]]> http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/04/26/tiggys-words-of-the-day-spong-tofu/feed/ 3 Tiggy’s Word Of The Day – Taxidermist http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/04/19/tiggys-word-of-the-day-taxidermist/ http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/04/19/tiggys-word-of-the-day-taxidermist/#comments Sat, 19 Apr 2008 15:23:00 +0000 Tiggy http://www.tiggyblog.com/2008/04/19/tiggys-word-of-the-day-taxidermist/ Some Taxidermists are better than others.

4. Taxidermist

Veterinarian for dead animals. Duties include pulling guts from gunned-down moose and posing dead cats in hilarious ‘human-like’ poses.

The vast majority of taxidermists are called Bob.

I’d love to walk into a taxidermist’s studio and say “Hi there Bob, how much to stuff my beaver?”

If anyone has a dead beaver they no longer need, please let me know.

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3. Piggle

Not officially a word. You can piggle your finger at or in something, like a cross between a wiggle and a pig I suppose. Pigs don’t have fingers but I’m sure if they did they would piggle worms out the ground with them.
Do pigs eat worms? I can’t say I’ve noticed.

Alright, I can see why that word isn’t in the dictionary.

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