Are you a busy salesman or executive out on the road? Save time and increase productivity with this super Road Trip Tray! Now you can write reports and browse e-mails on your laptop while you cruise down the highway. Also makes a great dining table for those high-speed picnics. And the Road Trip Tray’s 1001 uses don’t end there…

* Parents! Keep baby happy by using it as a diaper changing station, allowing busy mums to keep moving while attending to junior’s movements!

* Have a dangerous old car with no air bags? Simply tie a soft pillow to the tray and remember to bury your head into it as your car collides with that speeding truck or kindergarten group.

Net nerds! Can’t bear to be away from Facebook or YouTube for a minute? Worried you’ll miss the latest hilarious Lolcat picture? Surf while you drive with this fabulous Web Wow Wheel Widget and never miss a moment of cyber fun!*

*Do not operate while driving. Pretty please. No really, don’t. Seriously. OK, only for really important e-mails. And maybe Twitter.

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A Bad Idea | 7 Comments »

Why do you never see any books on masturbation? Do It Yourself guides to Doing It Yourself? Considering everyone does it at least every day, sometimes more (and don’t pretend you don’t) there has been precious little written about it.

Everyone eats three times a day, and look at the massive cookery section at your local bookstore! We have cooking celebrities like Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey, so why no experts on masturbation to give us all a helping hand?
On the other hand, I suppose we should be thankful Jamie and Gordon discovered their talent lay in cookery, not cockery.

Are the experts too busy playing with themselves to hold a pen and write a book? I suppose they could record their tugging tips by using a hands-free dictaphone (a dicktaphone)? An audio book on masturbation could be a best seller!

Just don’t listen to it while driving.

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Thinking About Stuff | 11 Comments »

Dear readers, it’s been a while… a bloody long while since I posted anything. I’ve received literally several e-mails asking on my whereabouts, am I still alive, do I need bail money etc. Well thanks, but no. My problem has been of a more sinister kind – THE MAFIA!!

Yes folks, it seems my innocent little blog caught the attention of a shady underworld mob somewhere in Russia. Incensed by my poor grammar and constant piss-taking of Meat Loaf, those cold-hearted dons decided that my blog must disappear. From some dingy basement in Moscow, a team of ruthless Mafia hackers decided to take it apart and TAKE IT DOWN. They trashed it, burned it, pissed on the flames with their vodka-infused urine causing the flames to get higher and burn a bit more… until there was nothing left but a charred, defiled cinder of a website. Those BASTARDS!

Either that or I forgot to renew my web hosting account, I’m not entirely sure.

But anyway, having now single-handedly defeated the Russian mob, I guess it’s time to get on with it and write some ruddy posts! Bugger.

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A Bad Idea | 12 Comments »