It’s so hot! I must get into that swimming pool and wash off all this sweaty gooey stuff. Hmm, what’s that at the bottom of the pool? It looks like a dark brown shadow. Is it a leaf? Or is it…poop? It kinda looks like poop.
No, if it was poop it would be floating on the surface, right? Unless it’s old. Maybe it has been lurking in the pool for days. Or maybe it’s some really heavy shit, literally. Forget it, I’m not swimming around some crappy pool!
It’s a leaf, it must be. Look Tiggy, everyone else in the pool is splashing around and enjoying themselves. They all look respectable enough. Old ladies with flowery swimming caps doing laps, doting fathers splashing their young kids… no-one fits the profile of a sneaky pool-pooper.
But just to be on the safe side, observe everyone and look for tell-tale stains or guilty looks…
Oh for goodness’ sake, just get in the frigging pool! It’s 97 degrees and your sunburn is so bad it’s starting to crackle. It’s just a bloody leaf!
Oh look, an elderly lady is getting closer to it. Come on lady, closer, closer, COME ON you old bint, step in it for fuck’s sake! Bah, the silly old cow is swimming away. Maybe she saw it. Maybe it was her.
Oh good, a small child running along the deck. Maybe if I can push him in at the right moment… come on you little bastard… No, don’t go for ice cream, I need you for my pool shit analysis!
Maybe I’ll just get in the pool in and take a look; it’s the only way to know for sure. But if I’m already in the pool and it is poop, what then? I’ll be tainted! I could rush out and scrub down in the poolside shower… but God knows what I may find there… those dirty pool poopers can’t be trusted!
Doesn’t anyone else notice it? What is wrong with them? I’m sure I can see more poop. See that brown discoloration around the pool filter? Poop, it’s gotta be poop! I can see fecal matter everywhere! Oh my God, this pool is like a giant toilet! How can people immerse themselves in this SWAMP OF FILTH? What kind of hotel is this? I want to go home, I WANT TO GO HOME!!!
Oh, it is a leaf.