Super Tiggy
The other night I was tottering through the snow to the bar when I was accosted by a man on a street corner. This happens a lot, but tonight the request was different.
“You may think I’m crazy…” began the middle-aged guy shivering in his plaid shirt,”But can you do me a favour?”
Before I had chance to kick him in the nuts, he pushed $10 into my hands. $10? I’m worth more than that, buddy.
“Please can you go to the comic store and buy me the Obama Spider Man comic? There’s a limit of one per customer, but I need two for my twin boys…”
Seeing the frosty tears in the poor fella’s eyes I accepted his challenge. Summoning all my acting skills I innocently wandered into the comic book store to purchase the precious comic.
It was my first time in a comic book store. It was a cavern of endless paperback delights, Spider-Man figurines and a feeling that I’d just stepped into another world. And do you know, the guy on the counter just looked like the comic book store guy in The Simpsons. Maybe it’s compulsory.
Then I saw her. She stared back at me from the cover of a comic with a steely face and shiny tiara. My childhood hero. WONDER WOMAN! BA BA BA BA BAABAAA! Suddenly I was five years old again. Wonder Woman KICKED ASS!
When I was five I was convinced I was a superhero. I used to perform daring stunts to prove it. I was Super Tiggy!
– I had amazing jumping powers. I leapt from a garage roof to prove to my buddies I was just like Wonder Woman. I didn’t break my legs, so it must be true.
– I had an invisible space ship. Of course my friends couldn’t see it, it was frigging invisible!
– Peas would magically disappear from my plate using my powers of… feeding them to the dog. My dog could always sense when it was time for his pea-feeding mission, which I put down to my animal telepathy superpowers.
– I could see into the future. I always knew when I was about to get a kicking by the kids from the trailer park. Sadly, my super strength let me down once I was lying on the ground bleeding. Maybe those kids were from Krypton Trailer Park.
Annoyingly, our neighbourhood was never threatened by stray nuclear missiles or three-headed aliens, so my superpowers went untested. I spent most of my time saving drowning bees from the paddling pool, patrolling the streets on my SuperTrike and getting beaten up by my foes from the trailer park. All in a day’s work for Super Tiggy…
“Madam, can I help you? Excuse me, madam, are you looking for something?” barked the comic book store owner.
“Umm… I need a Spider Man Obama comic… It’s for…” I stumbled.
Think, Super Tiggy, think! He’ll realize you are a fraud. Don’t blow it! Don’t let the kids down!
“It’s… four degrees below outside. Bloody freezing!”
“Not a night to be outside, madam. That will be six dollars please…”
Mission accomplished!
BA BA BA BA BAABAAA! It’s Super Tiggy!
I loved Wonder Woman. I literally used to spin to see if I’d transform when I was mumble mumble years old.
/Sniff
I never did.
Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..Some People Don’t See the Big Picture
You are definitely Superwoman. And whatta woman. I myself didn’t go for her when I was younger but I would now.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..Humor Bloggers Unite 2009! I’m A Rock Star!
I wore a cape everywhere until I was 10, on the off chance that I would suddenly be exposed to just the right dose of nuclear radiation and develop superpowers just in time to save the planet from schoolyard bull…I mean evil geniuses.
Sigh.
I miss those days 😀
Julian Finn’s last blog post..I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been. But….
Go Super Tiggy. I look forward to hearing about your next adventure.
chowner’s last blog post..The Gotti Tapes
YAY SUPER TIGGY!
I never fantasized that I was a superhero, but I did go thru a pretty intense Zsa Zsa Gabor period. My only powers were talking in a funny accent, tho I think my mom might’ve made me a fake cigarette holder. Ah. Good times.
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I’m So Vein so you don’t have to be
Oh, come on, Canadians can’t be superheroes.
Stumbled.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Boxlot Post #3
John J SavoL:
“Oh, come on, Canadians can’t be superheroes.”
Wolverine’s from Alberta.
And Superman was partially created by a Canadian.
😛
Julian Finn’s last blog post..I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been. But….
Excellent story, Tiggy! And like Stephanie above, I too tried spinning around to transform into Wonder Woman.
The closest I got was mid-level project management. What a bummer! 🙂
Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..An Open Plea Regarding Catbonics
And what about the whip? Did you retire that, or is it still in use?
I commend you for your brave act of comic book skull-duggery! I say to you a hearty Huzzah!
Chris’s last blog post..Gumhenge
All women make me wonder….
Lord Likely’s last blog post..Lord Likely’s General Twattery
Good job maintaining your secret identity Tiggy!
HumorSmith’s last blog post..How’s It Hangin’?