I’m not thinking of dropping dead any time soon. There are things I need to do first. So, like those old guys in the coincidently titled “The Bucket List”, I’ve made a list of all the things I want to do before I kick the bucket.

Have you ever done any of these things? If they were a bit boring let me know and I’ll cross them off.

1. See inside my brain.

2. Vomit sake into a Tokyo gutter.

3. Fire a gun without killing someone (for once).

4. Win the Turner Prize for Art with my work Frozen Prawn in a Bucket.

Fetch, Fido! Roll over!5. Win a Dog Show with a cunningly disguised hamster.

6. Drive a tractor into the Sphinx.

7. Eat a jam and spam flan on a trip to Milan.

8. Send back a meal cooked by Gordon Ramsey.

9. Be undressed by kings and see some things that a woman ain’t supposed to see.

10. Endure a bitter and acrimonious divorce from George Clooney.

11. Roll a joint in less than three hours.

12. Ride a Segway around the CERN particle accelerator while it’s on.

13. Crawl through air ducts while being chased by robots.

14. Win an Oscar for my screen adaptation of the Yellow Pages.

15. Accidentally delete YouTube.

16. Run over a pop tart with a traction engine.

My Favourite Spoon.17. Give a three-hour lecture to an audience of people I hate, entitled “My Favourite Spoon”.

18. Think up a funny Lolcat caption.

19. Liberate Greenland.

20. Enter rehab for an addiction to tree sap.

21. Star in a medieval-themed adult movie called Robbin Hood of Sherfuck Forest.

22. Use the ‘c’ word in a company presentation.

23. Invent a new kind of cheese.

24. Take pot shots at kite boarders with a potato gun.

25. Ban the word “soccer”. It’s football.

26. Tickle a panda.

27. Steal a cloud.

28. Open a peanut-themed restaurant and call it The Nut Sack.

29. Un-see Two Girls, One Cup.

30. Tour Namibia on a space hopper.

There’s no knowing when that ragged mob will catch up with me and burn me at the stake, so I’m pumping up my space hopper and heading off before it’s too late.
What’s on your bucket list?


21 Responses to “Tiggy’s Bucket List”

Great list. But divorcing George Clooney is far worse than you can ever imagine. I would avoid that at all costs for the sake of your mental health and your pets.


John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..Superhomo

I’ve seen the inside of my brain once.

It looked just like a walnut.

Tasted just like one, too.

Mike’s last blog post..THE motivational poster.

You mean you haven’t already been chased by robots through the airducts?

As for the sending back a dinner by Gordon Ramsey, you might want to make that the last thing ON your bucket list— I suspect, you won’t be around after that one, anyway.

Jenn Thorson’s last blog post..The 2009 Drama Llama Awards

I certainly can’t top you. The only thing on my bucket list is “learn how to turn on my vacuum cleaner.” Not that I could be bothered to run it over my floors, but it would be nice to know how to turn it on.

Joel Klebanoff’s last blog post..Attention

@#21 – Tiggy!! I’m shocked. 😉

I dont want to see #29 to have to un-see it.

Nope, I’m done. Everything I HAD to do is already done. I could go any time now. In fact, please.

(Note to self: no commenting when you have a migraine)

Stephanie Barr’s last blog post..A NASA Mission: Magnetospheric Multiscale

But you’ve accomplished so much already. The swear words list alone is a greater contribution than most of us will make.

Me, I have many dreams but the one thing I hope to achieve is to just outright break the nose of Joseph DePinto, Chairman and CEO of 7-11. He has it coming too, trust me.

Ram Venkatararam’s last blog post..Rihanna, Steriods and Firearms!

I just want to be apart of the Cannabis cup..just once…then I can die in peace.

phuckpolitics’s last blog post..Shit is going down in Mexico…

Hi there – I just have to say, this post had me laughing pretty hard, which is a pretty tough feat to accomplish silently when you’re at work. 😉

15, 17 and 22 are my favorites. 😉

Angi’s last blog post..March 15th is EATAPETA Day!

Excellent list. Surprised you hadn’t done most of them already.

Joe’s last blog post..Montel Williams Sucks

I hope you can do number 18, although I think it’s pretty much impossible. Prove me wrong.

Kirsten’s last blog post..I Got Tagged!

I see inside my brain every time I blow my nose. Also, tree sap is too addicting. You should start out with sucking aloe plants and then see how that goes first.

You are a Renaissance man!

Chris’s last blog post..Are you listening?

Tiggy, when it comes to #27, you’re in luck as I’m in the cloud selling business. Although by clouds, I mean weed. As for #21, you’ll have to settle for starring in the sequel, as I just wrapped production on the original.

chowner’s last blog post..My documentary on marijuana.

The Nut Sack….


heh heh heh

I suggest to start with #11, and if you’re having trouble invite the staff at Starcasm.net and Michael Phelps over to help. After #11 is accomplished, then proceed to do the rest of the bucket list, definitely including LOL caption and accidentally deleting YouTube, or at least talk about it all night. I probably know an enemy of a friend of an enemy of a friend of an enemy of George Clooney, so we can get his number and get the divorce thing started. Unfortunately I don’t think you can ever un-see Two Girls, One Cup, but we can try to get ahold of Amy Winehouse to see if she has any tricks up her sleeve about that.*

*This might involved “inhuman” amounts of pot, 45 cases of Jack Daniels, and abundant trips to the ER, but it can probably be done.

Starcasm’s last blog post..New Favorite Comment!

8. Send back a meal cooked by Gordon Ramsey.

Make sure you swear like a sailor when you do.

Man with no name’s last blog post..Spin spin, spin the game circle!

CRAP! I was going to do a bucket list for today’s daily list and I’m just seeing yours. I’ll have to wait a while until you forget yours and I don’t look like a plagiarist. All I had was to set some pancake related world record so maybe it’s for the best.

Put Dennis Hopper and Mickey Rourke in a box and shake it until they started fighting.

I think everything you listed is pretty much doable.LOL! Tell me,have you always been an overachiever?

thinkinfyou’s last blog post..Life On The Non-Shitty End Of The Stick

I so want to drive a tractor into the sphinx now. What an acheivement!!

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