Tiggy’s Hangover Cures
As sure as day follows night, painkillers follow parties. One drink is never enough, is it? If only medical boffins spent more time researching an effective hangover cure. I’d go on a charity run for that. Until the miracle cure is discovered, try these cures to escape from hangover hell.
1. Force down a fry-up. The traditional English breakfast of eggs, bacon, lard and jam is a must for the morning after. The weight of the grease will hold down your boozy stomach contents and prevent them from coming back up. The favourite cure of hungover truckers and schoolchildren.
2. Jogging. This may seem like an unusual hangover cure, but after six minutes of pounding the pavement you’ll be chucking up in the hedges and ridding your system of that nasty booze. Onlookers will assume you are an unfit runner and never guess your shameful secret. Also, it may discourage them from taking up the ridiculous sport.
3. Spend the day riding a Rollercoaster. This method has the same effect as #2, but with an added shot of adrenaline. Nothing sobers up a groggy brain like the impending fear of death as you hurtle towards the ground at 200mph.
4. Eat corn-based snacks – they contain no nutrition but will act like cheesy sponges in your stomach and soak up the bilious booze. Try not to throw up after eating them, as fluorescent orange vomit is not easy to remove from beige carpets, curtains or household pets.
5. Stay in bed and feel sorry for yourself. Or feel anything else that takes your fancy, it may take your mind off your headache.
6. You feel like death, so assume you are going to die and make a will. When you realize how few assets you possess and that your life amounts to nothing, you’ll soon sober up and vow to lead a teetotal and productive life (at least until Friday night).
7. If you cannot avoid going to work, blame your condition on food poisoning. Moan loudly about the odd-tasting sweet ‘n’ sour chicken balls you ate at that greasy Chinese restaurant after Bible study. The boss will never suspect your pallor is due to a mojito-soaked binge at the strip club.
8. Keep drinking, especially if your hangover occurs during a weekday. Remain inebriated until the weekend, when you can stay in bed and give your hangover the full attention it deserves.
9. If you cannot face work, call your boss and pretend a close relative has died. Keep a list of all beloved relatives (real or fictional) and remember to strike them off the list so they cannot ‘die’ again. I once made that mistake and Uncle Bob dropped dead twice in one month. Try explaining that miracle to your boss. Unless your boss is the Pope.
10. Your body is dehydrated after all that liquor, so drink plenty of water. In fact, hydrate from the outside in and spend the day in the hot tub (remember, you bought a hot tub to go green? Now you can use it when you are green!) Invite your hungover friends over and have a post-party party.
Those boffins require funds to research a breakthrough hangover treatment, so I am going to organize my own Run for the Hangover Cure. Well, maybe more of a walk.
Perhaps a pub crawl…?
12 thoughts on “Tiggy’s Hangover Cures”
Good list Tiggy. I found out from a friend what teenagers are doing to get drunk. I kinda wish I had known about before I quit drinking. They are giving themselves liquor enemas. Swear fo God. It takes less alcohol to get drunk and they can pass a breathalyzer. I wonder if their ass gets hungover?
ettarose’s last blog post..Keep Your New Years Lies To Yourself!
I don’t have a hangover today, so I’ll just stick with painkillers. What? Actually that fry-up looks pretty damn good. Hmmm. Maybe if I start drinking now I can have a hangover by noon.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I’ll Say “No” to Drugs so you don’t have to
The Wife says the fry-up actually works. She did it in Ireland, though. She said she slept like the dead after she ate it…which, uh, I guess is a good thing….oh, my gosh. She can’t shut up about it. I’m sorry I showed her the post (not really, it’s a good ‘un). 🙂
Unfinished Rambler’s last blog post..New Year’s Resolutions 2009: No smoking, drinking, joking about drinking or asterisks
What works for me is a deep-fried, greasy burrito off a lunch wagon. The kind of thing that would normally make you vomit just looking at it. Something about the grease helps the hangover. I swear by them now.
Happy New Year!
DeadRooster’s last blog post..Dead Rooster’s Last Blog Post EVER…
When I was a resident assistant in college the number one rule was to NOT give water to a drunk no matter how much they begged. Sugared Soda drinks ok, but no water. The Head Resident had a rule — if you give them water then you get to clean up the puke. I understood that it caused projectile vomiting. I say understood because I never wanted to find out
marvelgoose’s last blog post..It’s Forty-Sheven Degrees and Spartly Clouby
I feel bad this morning so I’m going for a run, lol! I love the idea of a run for a hangover cure, I’ll drink to that!!
Have a great 2009!
I think I tried most of these today. Okay, not 2 or 3. I heart cheese puffs.
Chowner’s last blog post..My HOT list: 25 things to look out for in 2009
What if I just feel like crap from all that eating and drinking over the two week span that is “the holidays”? It’s kinda a “holiday hangover”. Ick.
LMAO That list is AWESOME.
I choose #8. As a result, I will totally be available for your “pub crawl for charity” event. Call me!
AngieSS’s last blog post..KFC Can KMA
Force down a fry-up.
That’s the way I choose. As long as ur head feels like it’s about to explode, might as well spurt out fried goodies to go with the explosion.
hammy’s last blog post..Trippin’
Masturbation works well, too. Sex, no, because you don’t want to disappoint your partner.
John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer’s last blog post..My Angry Letter to a Candy Bar
Excellent website. Numerous handy facts here. I will be submitting it to a few pals 🙂 Cheers for your perspiration!