I Like The Moon
“We like tha MOON!“ squealed the Spong Monkeys in their famous ditty. And what’s not to like? It hangs in the sky like a pretty night light, helping countless drunks find their car keys in the dark.
But what do we know about the moon? I decided to investigate. I read a stack of library books on astronomy and astrophysics. To be honest I didn’t understand a word of it, but I’ll have a stab anyway.
Location – The moon is in the sky every night. In the early evening it looks huge, but later on it is just a tiny globe high up. But the moon hasn’t got further away! It’s just an optical illusion.
Sometimes I have the illusion of three or four moons bouncing around the sky. I asked around but it seems only me and the invisible custard squirrels can see them.
Identification – The moon is known as The Moon. It is a moon, but it is not Moon. It’s a pretty stupid name to be honest. Other moons have nice names like Pheobe and Io, so why can’t the moon have a name like Uhuru or Jeffery?
Come to think of it, The Earth is a crap name too. I think it should be renamed Bubbles.
Composition – I consulted the astronomy books for this bit. Words I understood were dust, rock, iron and magnesium. Words I didn’t understand were olivine, clinopryoxine and ilmenite. Apparently the moon has this stuff in it. I don’t know how scientists know, the Apollo astronauts spent most of their time arseing around with flags and moon buggies rather than doing any bloody work.
Effects – The oceans slosh around on Earth due to the moon’s magnetism. This is probably caused by iron molecules colliding with the particulates in the clinopryoxine. I have no frigging idea to be honest. All I do know is the next time I am clinging to the side of a turbulent ferry heaving the contents of my guts overboard, I will have the moon to thank.
Conspiracies – Some people think man has never been into space, let alone the moon. This is crazy. Tom Hanks obviously filmed Apollo 13 in space – you can clearly see the Earth from his spacecraft window.
Others claim the moon landing photos were shot in a secret NASA studio. But how would NASA know what to make the scenery look like if they hadn’t been to the moon? Honestly, some people.
That is all I know about the moon. Now I have to return my astronomy books before the library tracks down who stole them.
They have big shiny helmets and want to play space over at Humor-Blogs.com
Are you sure that’s Bubbles,, I mean Earth in the window?…
I think it looks more like a pie plate…and didn’t the microwave oven explode on Apollo 13,, so that Forrest,, Forrest Gump had to fix everything with the handyman’s
secret weapon and a dirty sock,, thus they were never able to land in Pink Floyds back yard…or am I thinking of a different movie?…
if this posted twice,, it ain’t my fault…
I totally agree, why do The Moon and The Earth have such lame names?? We got screwed! 🙂
All those environmental specials would be so much more interesting if they said “Bubbles” instead of Earth!
I think YOU should get the honor of naming our moon.
We can’t count on our astrologists. They still don’t know if Pluto is in or out!
Great post! You are funny and honest about not knowing anything about Astrophysics. Well, at least you tried to understand it, I never have, LOL.
This in-depth article about our moon astonished me! Why aren’t you teaching our children?
I’ll see hurling as an awesome natural experience from now on!
The only thing that shocked me is that you didn’t know about olivine, but then neither did this editor as I had to add it to the dictionary. That was a little disturbing, but I can live with it.
Bubbles is illuminated by the cold glow of a full Jeffrey.
Damn, that does work.
I couldn’t agree with you more about how lame the names are for our planet and moom. I like “Stella” and “Harv”.
Ok everyone, I think the general consensus here is that the Earth is now called Bubbles and the moon is Jeffery (although ‘Harv’ has a certain ring to it – I think that would be a good name for the sun).
I’m going to call up NASA right now and inform them of the changes. I’m sure they won’t mind.
This blog is great… I haven’t learned so much about the moon since Christ was a cowboy.
Freedom of speech and all that…I don’t think Harv is half bad. And I do so like snorting non-dairy creamer.
Well, it’s called The Moon because “By the light of the silvery Jeffrey” wouldn’t quite have the same ring to it, songwise. Same with “Blue Uhuru.” Or “Dark Side of the Larry.”
If you follow the annals of The Tick comics, the moon should rightfully be labeled “Chairface Chippendale.”
Or “Cha,” if you like brevity.
But that’s another story.
HA!
Good one, Tig. I’d forgotten about the Spong Monkeys. How I loved that little ditty. I love the moon, too. Our moon is so special it doesn’t need a name. All the other puny, insignificant moons need to names so they’re not confused with THE MOON!
Mark: I had no idea Christ was a cowboy. isn’t Wikipedia wonderful?
Meg: Harv – I now like to wave at the sun and shout “Hi, Harv!” Especially after snorting coffee creamer.
Jenn: For less brevity, how about ‘Cha-cha-cha’? Neat.
JD: But do you like the moon as much as a spoon? ‘Cause that’s more use for eating soup.
Your blog is interesting!
Keep up the good work!