Tiggy Investigates Man Boobs
Man boobs have been on my mind. Now the sun is shining and the winter coats are off, I can’t help noticing t-shirted men who seem to have grown lady-like appendages during their winter hibernation.
But what are man boobs? Are you a man worried by the condition? Are you a woman who could do with a giggle? Read on.
Owning a pair of man boobs can result from lack of exercise, bad luck or something to do with the thousands of hormone-pumped, estrogen-infused triple cheeseburgers a busty boy has shoved down his throat. But how are men affected by this terrible tit trauma?
I decided investigate by visiting the local gym to observe shirtless men lifting weights for the afternoon. From my lengthy observations, I noticed there are two types of protrusion.
The first and rather more attractive type is the Resting Pec as I like to call it. These once-proud muscular mounds are reasonably firm and pert, but perhaps require their owners to consume a few less KFCs and spend a bit more time pumping the Bowflex in order to reach their optimum manliness again.
The second type are the more feminine looking he-humps or Saggy Old Witch Tits, the sort of flabby gristle you see on female bus drivers and at over-55s porn sites you accidentally click on sometimes. These poor chesty chaps must have so much estrogen in their system they probably went to see Sex and the City: The Movie and cry when they run over chipmunks.
How do you know if you have harmless resting pecs or worrying witch wobblers? Take this tit-tastic quiz to find out!
1. Can you hold a pencil, spoon or small mammal under your mammary gland?
2. Can you kiss your nipples?
3. Do your man boobs hit you on the chin when you run?
4. Are you too overweight to attempt question 3?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, I’m afraid the prognosis is not looking good. And neither are you.
A strict regime of tofu burgers and bench presses is the only way to banish that bosom and replace it with a macho six-pack. Alternately you could move to Bangkok, join a lady boy troupe and perform as a novelty Sumo wrestler/cabaret artiste. Believe it or not, there are a lot of Japanese businessmen who would pay good money to see that.
So in conclusion it seems that having both a cleavage and a cock is not as much fun as it sounds. Unless you think the lifestyle may be for you, in which case have another cheeseburger!
They have big manly chests over at Humor-Blogs.com
Point #2 officially ruined my day.
Well done.
OMG!! Hil-ar-i-ous! Thanks for making me laugh 🙂 I’ll probably bust a gut giggling when I see the next set of man boobs on the street or at the gym.
IMO there is nothing more repulsive than a man with boobs.
You really should have an “adult content” label on this blog. Those man boobs are totally unappropriate for those easily offended.
actually, soy (like in tofu) makes man boobs worse!
You’ve got me worried now Tiggy…I took the test and failed. I’m now looking for a cheap flight to Bangkok.
That was great you had me laughing out loud. You deserve the oops awards. Head on over to my site and grab it! Will have your link on there in the am.
SinisterDan: Pictures, please!
Chat Blanc: It’s true, now I can’t help looking at those flabby man-pups everywhere I go. It’s nearly a hobby.
Timethief: Resting pecs have some potential. But podgy droopers that could double up as earmuffs – thanks, but no.
Meg: I guess those offended by man boobs would be… erm… everyone? Oh dear, everyone please leave the site!
Jade: Amazing! I knew tofu was evil, now I have the proof.
Jeff: Sorry Jeff. Have fun in the Red Light District!
Amy: Oooh! For me? A shiny thing? Thank you!
I took the test, too, and failed. And I have genuine lady boobs!
I was disappointed that you didn’t discuss the THREE types of protrusions found among males working out at a gym, but maybe you’re saving that for another post?
I’m one of those skinny girls that like big husky men! My husband “used to” weight lift and body build but it has been quite some time since he last saw the inside of a gym. So his once firm hunky man boobs are now just chunky man boobs. Every once in a while I’ll crack a joke about them to him. One day he got me back pretty good!
(Husband): While sitting on the couch with hand over my shoulder grabbed my boob and smiled.
(Me): While pinching his man boobs I said “How do like that? Doesn’t feel so nice when someone grabs your boobs, does it?”
(Husband): You’re just mad because mine are bigger than yours!
(Me): Glaring at him and couldn’t really say anything back because it was true ;o)
Hope you get a good laugh out of this.
1. Can you hold a pencil, spoon or small mammal under your mammary gland?
Yes. But as soon as I let go, it falls down.
2. Can you kiss your nipples?
Don’t I wish! That would certainly be a leisure time enhancement.
3. Do your man boobs hit you on the chin when you run?
No. I have a chin guard.
4. Are you too overweight to attempt question 3?
No. I’d try it, but our roads have load restrictions here.
JD: You are correct. However I have around 1,000 photos from the gym to sift through so I may be a while preparing that post.
Lisa Lisa: Your man sounds like a real hunk! Some photos would really, um, help form a more accurate picture of the conversation in my mind, if you know what I mean? 😉
Don: Thank you for completing the test so honestly. It sounds like you have some way to go before you can try on a lady’s bra and fill it.
For answer #2 – follow your dreams!
nice picture of manboobs. yummy!
wow…I sorta see myself as having man boobs. In fact my boobs look very simalar to that chubby teenagers’. Only mine are a bit smaller and could probably produce milk if need be. I’m so wierded out right now.
lol…I’m adding you to my blog roll! 🙂
http://www.peglegstarfish.com
I have to admit that reading your blog was funny. You are as ignorant about gynecomastia as a dumb bell.
Yeah….this is absolutely hillarious.
…Unless like me your BMI is perfectly normal, your diet is healthy and you exercise but for some reason your body has become insensitive to androgens (testosterone and similar).
I’m quite slim looking but i’ve slowly developed breast tissue over the last year or two – and i’m talking firm glandular tissue, not fat. I’ve been getting more cruel comments recently and been made the butt of a lot of jokes.
A couple of days ago, after trying to go for a run and giving up not from lack of breath but from the pain in my chest my unsupported breasts were causing I was already feeling depressed when a very skinny female friend of mine slid her hands under my top later that day and after copping a feel with wide eyes said ‘omg, your boobs are bigger than mine!!’
I laughed it off at the time but couldn’t stop thinking about it and today measured my chest and plugged the figures into a bra finder….can you imagine my shame when I realised I actually AM a 44B which is a whole cup size bigger than her! :((
I found this blog while looking for a supportive sports bra to fit the male chest, because I. dont. have. a. choice. I’ve decided to bite the bullet and get some tests done because i’m also suffering extreme mood swings and hot flushes.
Sorry if i’ve ranted, I just wanted all the ‘ewww’ and ‘lol, lose some weight’ commenters to know it’s not just a joke, and nothing to do with being fat, which is called pseudo-gynaecomastia….