July 1st is Canada Day! The day when all Canadians avoid work, crack open a beer and then crack open another beer. To be honest, that happens most days in my house, but today we do it with pride!
To get into the spirit of things and help my non-Canadian readers join in the celebrations, I decided to find a photo that sums up Canada and what a cool place it is.
And what better than a picture of our national animal, the beaver? I set to work and Googled ‘cute furry beaver’. Unfortunately, the images Google presented me with… well, let’s just say a) I will remember to switch ‘Moderate Safe Search’ ON in future and b) I now have an image of Britney Spears burned into my brain I didn’t really need.
Never mind, I decided to head to my local wilderness park with my camera and snap the cheerful critter myself. After crawling through the undergrowth for hours, I finally chanced upon the fluffy little fella! Great, now I could get my shot. Come on little guy, do something cute and Canadian!
Unfortunately, I seemed to have caught my little beaver friend in, let’s just say, a rather private act of self-gratification. I waited patiently as the creature fiddled around with his nether regions. And waited. And waited some more. Get on with it, you little cocksucker!
More time passed. A group of curious tourists began to gather behind me.
“Mommy, why is that lady with the orange hair taking photos of a beaver playing with itself? I’m scared.”
I was escorted from the park by the rangers who were under the impression I was some kind of depraved fur-fancier, my protests that I was doing it for Canada Day falling on deaf ears.
I’m really sorry about this, everyone. I just wanted a nice picture for Canada Day and all I have to show for it is a photo of a beaver masturbating. The day is all spoiled now. The only other picture I got was of three recidivists from the local trailer park. Admittedly they are not quite as fluffy, but they are Canadian and will have to do.