Agghh! Agghhh! Aggggghhhhhh!!!

Damn this blank page! I need to fill it with witty comments and interesting observations for Tiggyblog, but after four hours all I’ve done is write my name at the top. And I spelled that wrong.
Writer’s block is frustrating, especially if your life is dull and devoid of inspiration. How can you generate great ideas for that overdue article or blog? I’ve thought up some useful tips to help you fill that page in no time.

 

1. Go for a walk. Running away from your empty page is a good start. Hopefully you will be inspired by something on your walk. Or get hit by a car. This will give you plenty to write about as you recover in hospital.

Oooh bright lights, happy colours... dfkso, gjdooe ane eift!2. Get high. It works for rock stars, it could work for you. Roll a fat one, sit back and wait for inspiration. The disadvantage being anything you’ve written down is unintelligible when you recover. Get high again and it all makes perfect sense. Come back down and it’s scribble again. This technique may take some practice.

3. Cut up the Dictionary and draw words out of a hat. Arrange the words on the page. Problem solved.

4. Become a movie reviewer. You will never have to think up an original idea again. Make a list of stock phrases such as “Touching portrayal”, “More profanity than plot” and “Don’t waste your money” and cut and paste as required. You don’t even need to watch the movie, just look at the promotional poster and draw your own conclusions.

Word in Peru - oil prices to hit $200 a barrel.5. Think in the third person. Imagine yourself as someone else and look at the world through their eyes. You could write a topical blog from the perspective of a brown Peruvian Alpaca (or whatever colour you prefer). I’m sure they have opinions on global oil prices. Combine with tip #2 for further inspiration.

6. Set a target. Aim for no more than 2 words a day – they have to be really good words though. By the end of the week you’ll have a sentence. It’s a start.

7. Pay someone to write for you. Writers are cheap and can often be bought with alcohol and smokes. Let them suffer writer’s block on your behalf.

8. Join an interesting local group. An extremist right-wing religious sect or suicide cult preparing for Armageddon would be perfect – if you get out alive just think of the stories you could tell! And they’d all be dead so they couldn’t sue you.

Religious cults - they're all mad as pies!

9. Get yourself arrested. This could be easily arranged in combination with tip #2, or you could go for an ecological slant by chaining yourself to a tree. Or better still, a logger. Don’t forget to take your notebook to jail.

10. Accept the fact your creativity is spent and your writing career is over. You will need to get yourself a real job.

 

Follow these handy tips and your creative juices will be flowing all over the place, earning you enough money to keep on writing and pay for all those drug fines. Now grab your pen and blog off.


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11 Responses to “Tiggy’s Top Tips for Writer’s Block”

I recently wrote a blog post about writer’s block. I found that one of the best methods is to go do more research on the topic you are trying to write about. When you come back, you will find the words flow much easier. Try it!

I think I’d rather get hit by a car than get a real job. Oh, wait. I already have a real job. OK. I’m off to play in traffic.

Ha – Great list Tiggy! Funny thing is….I think number 8 is actually a legitimately good idea. Talk about expanding your awareness……The first time I went into a traditional church, I finally understood where all of the horror film scariness comes from. Straight off the pulpit. There’s writing fodder there for a lifetime.

Keep up the good work!

I use all thos things..although a Jack Daniels or two is my favorite..:))

You forgot my favorite,, stealing other bloggers
stories…just cut and paste…grab paragraphs from different sites and mix and match together…remember,, no one
reads more then 2 paragraphs on any blog so
cut and paste the bottom halfs and make sure its
a blog from somewhere far away,, like Norway or Sweden…
And to make it more exciting,, throw in a funny cat pic,,
everyone loves to look at funny cats…

Rooster: Good idea! I’m now going to research a post on man boobs, sounds like I’m in for a long night!

JD: Airport runways are a lot more fun, especially playing chicken with that big Airbus maafuka!

Metroknow: I’m trying to get myself invited to one of those pagan meet ups out in the woods… dancing around naked and howling at at the moon… haven’t done that for ages!

Robert: Do you recommend one glass or one bottle? 😉

GT: What a good idea! No-one will ever notice. Shove a picture of a cat with a ‘Funnee Speld Capshun’ in it and you’re good to go!

Your post was funny and your commenters are hilarious too. This was just what I needed before going to bed because I was worrying about what I would write tomorrow. Well, now I have a how to avoid blogging list. It’s a start.
Cheers tiggy

All good advice. I like to do #5 just because. 😛

I don’t have a blog and after reading that Im not gonna get one! Sounds like too much work!

Love the pic of the crazy westboro a$$holes – how much did you have to pay then to hold those banners?!?!

We’ll have to try no 5 once!

You provide excellent strategies for treating this disorder. I am sure that you will agree, however, it is important to recognize the signs and symptoms of this insidious pathology in order to begin treatment in a timely fashion. This description may be useful: http://callithumpthunder.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-pathology.html

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